Dear Old Mr. Sun

From your friend, the cloud

Dear old Mr sun 

I walk at night in hopes you light the way 

I walk at dawn to see you rise 

You bring me warmth and happiness while I bring you rain 

I dim your shine while you brighten me 

I take away your color 

Your charm 

As well as the very soul that binds you to man 

As I may carry on this way of mine 

You'll find your sense of self soon 

Always beware for another could may bring doom  

Dear old Mr Sun this is your fly-by friend, 

~Cloud~

Reviews

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Nice concept - sun vs cloud analogies! I would suggest a restructure, as the piece seems to lose direction in the final stanzas. Perhaps this interpretation of your lovely write may be of interest:

Dear old Mr Sun

I walk at night
In hopes you light the way
I walk at dawn
To see you rise
You bring me warm happiness
While I bring you rain
I dim your shine
While you brighten me
I take away your colourful charm
As well as the very soul
That binds you to man
I will carry on this way of mine
You may find your sense
Of self awareness soon
But always beware
For another may bring doom
Dear old Mr Sun
This is your fly-by friend

Cloud
Hope this helps :-)

[That one kid]

Thank you so much!! I greatly appreciate the review and critique I will definitely do some revision and edits as soon as I get time which should be within the next week.