Once Upon a December Dream

This is something I wrote while reminiscing about living in Massachusetts. After moving to Florida, I really missed the snow and cold winter.

Angels bathed in white fall slowly from the sky Dancing together as they shrink in size Smaller, smaller, until they warp into tiny specks of white Fierce winds scatter them throughout the grey skies In agony they reach out hopelessly to each other Sadness envelops them As they are taken farther and farther away from one another Their whispers can be heard Before they gently land on your tongue Melting away almost instantly Once upon a December Dream

Reviews

[Surabhi Kaushik]

I totally loved the poem. Excellent use of imagery and metaphors..."As they are taken farther and farther away from one another their whispers can be heard." I am impressed by that description. I have often described nature to be talking among themselves. This line is very apt. A well written piece of poetry.

[Karmee]

So very well expressed, like your imagery

[Schatzi]

Hello Tatiana Raudales,

I can hear and understand your longing for snow in your beautifully worded poem. It makes me sad. Now I want to drive to the mountains so I can play in the snow. I do so whenever I can spare the time. :) Great poem, great topic! Nicely done!

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[William Liston]

Wow. You've described December's beauty in a mesmerizing way ... I loved your artful descriptions and imagery. I also enjoyed the emotional contrast in this piece. There's an underlying melancholy with an overall sense of beauty ... that's a difficult effect to create, but nonetheless, you've done it effectively here. I especially liked the sorrow conveyed by the line "In agony they reach out hopelessly to each other." You've done very well with this poem.

If I may critique, I think punctuation, enjambment (especially in the first five lines), removal of unnecessary words, and/or use of different word choices could help the flow of this piece. Here's what I mean:

Angels bathed in white
cascade from the sky,
dancing together as they
shrink in size ...
Smaller, smaller until they warp
into little specks of white.

Take notice of the word "cascade" instead of the phrase "fall slowly." Also, notice how the line breaks allow for pause and continuous flow to keep the reader's interest ... the reader has to pause after most of your line breaks, which makes everything expectable (almost prose-like).

Whether you make those changes or not, this is a good poem. I'm truly glad I read it and I thank you for sharing.

- William Liston

[Antoñyo]

Quite the brilliant and picturesque piece further enhanced by the description.
Thanks for sharing

[Inject Positivity]

This feels very thought provoking as if the poet is sitting on a December day and the memories of her past days of December which she misses very much flowing in her mind... This is such a nostalgic write, kind of makes remind of my own days of December... Lovely work frnd...

Sincerely
Dhiman