journal

 I have nothing to say anymore

I keep saying

because I don't understand

why was I killed then why aren't I dead?

what went wrong, or what went right it means everything to me

this isn't meant to bring out under fire what we had but how can I not?

it's to let you know it's not ok that you feel hurt

because it hurts

and I know what you know and I come back to it often

I count little seaharps

no not even that

I tried reading the underground news

but on the subway I panicked and nobody even bothered to look

I saw a ghost maybe, maybe I was dying

I thought I was drugged but

it was a power outage

I just didn't reach my stop

I have no purpose anymore is what I mean

and it was only a matter of time

I've been distracting myself just like we practiced

but since my memory I took a hatchet

to my past

the tapes rewound themselves

so I went true against the north

there I met a man wrapped in tinsel and wool

just in time for dinner he said come in

holdfast boy

I stoked the coal though i'd never stoked before

I told him I couldn't stay that I needed somewhere to be crazy and alone

he said you've come this far see those plants all sick

cured 'em

I looked into his eyes properly as if to say thank you, sweet metaphor, I haven't met anyone like you before

so human

I sat and my heart took refuge in this, the kindness

like a lamp in a book

the whole other half is missing and not a damn thing makes sense

this is my punishment and I have so much to look forward to now

Reviews

[WordShaker33]

Beautiful poem. I felt the emotion with every line I read, and made me realize I feel the same way too. Thank you for sharing, it brought a smile to my face.

[Grace]

I really like this one. It's somber but strangely induces hope for me. :)

[Richard]

thanks a whole bundle :)
really, that is what I feel like when writing ... I start out a little somber and then sort of get cheered up :)