Knights Of The Empty, However Not SO Round Table

A Story by Richard

“I say …” croaked Meerko the toad from the swamp town of Mmbribbit, fixing his waistcoat and looking down at his 9 pocket-watches in disgust.
“When on earth do we eat?!” he demanded to no one in particular. Bonnie the Brave Badger who looked most pleasant even under her layers of chainmail and having just moments earlier arrived from a violent battlefield, sword saddled into her holster, put her hand on his shoulder sympathetically. “Earth? My dear Frog .. I am also dizzyingly hungry, but you must take care, we just ended the great war with that planet … Earth no longer exists.” She unhooked her sword and glanced over at the honorable cricket twins who’s brilliant idea it was to build artillery out of grain. They were wrestling their antennae playfully. She continued. “You see, Dear Frog, while your kind were busy building fortresses and laying eggs under the many lakes, us brave knights were forced into battle. We haven’t eaten a bite in months. We are starved. But, much like battle, it’s important to practice patience.” Meerko gave her a repugnant look and began to croak sulkily to himself. It was quarter past 6 and All the 27 guests had arrived around the oval table. At the far end sat the Duke and Duchess of Nouveau York. Next to them sat Tomato, the talking yellow tomato, looking around nervously as he was well aware of his condition in such dire times. However, a tomato also needs to eat. Finally, just as the shaking and moaning and protests came to a climax, the host himself, Lord Brine of the Crustacean platoon came scuttling in. He stood and looked around at his now silenced guests.
“Well!!” cried the cricket twins. “Yeah!” cried a number of others. “What is on the menu?” asked Meerko. The Lord became very sullen and paced around the room. “As you all are aware �" the great war has left us very hungry and very dry” he looked up at the crystal chandelier sadly. “There is no food left on our planet I’m afraid”. He placed his hand on Meerko’s shoulder and broke down into tears. “I’ve failed you all �" I wasn’t able to save the crops and since they aren’t regenerative �" I have decided I no longer deserve to live”. The guests gasped and wept. “The yellow tomato and I have decided to donate our bodies to the better cause … the cessation of hunger!” Everybody turned to face the yellow tomato. “I…I …I didn’t volunteer” sputtered the tomato nervously.
“This is nonsense” shouted Bonnie Badger. “I move that there is a more reasonable solution than to eat our friends �" delicious as they may be. I…” suddenly before she could finish her thought the giant crystal chandelier fell from the roof and crushed poor tomato into tomato juice. Everybody drank and mourned together and the knights of the oval table sat around drinking the finest wines with their bellies full and shared horrific war stories.