The Black Cloud

The horizon was tinged with red for quite a while and slowly the sun came up. I got out of my bed and reluctantly walked towards the bathroom to prepare myself for yet another day. I took a cold shower, brushed my teeth and put on my favorite green shirt which always seemed to provide me with a sense of comfort. When I was finished getting ready for school, I walked down the stairs to the dinning room to see my father eating his usual Friday toast. Suddenly, I lost my appetite.  Without looking at him, I grabbed my bag and tried to make a quick escape when his deep voice stopped me. “At least take a granola bar with you,” He said. “I’m not hungry.” I replied. “Please, Arianna.” He pleaded and got up to come stand behind me. I did not want to start my day with an argument so I said, “I’ll buy something from the cafeteria.” And with that I started off to school. From behind me I heard a sigh of defeat. He was giving up on me. I smiled and thought to myself - You don’t have to give up on me, Dad. I’ve already given up on myself.

 

The moment I stepped into the confines of my school, I realized I had forgotten to take my medication. This is going to a hell of a day, I thought to myself. A few minutes later I found myself walking on a familiar corridor that leads toward my favorite class, English. I loved writing. As I grew up, I found that writing was the only way I could express myself. The only way I could vent out all my anger and worries. My therapist always says that I should write more. This is the only thing she is right about though. She is wrong about all the other gibberish she says. I cannot heal. I’m broken. My father thinks I’m going mad. My class mates think that I’m a freak of nature. I don’t say anything because I know that they are right.

 

Time flew and I found myself sitting in the cafeteria. I sat alone in one table and watched the other students around me chatting away. I didn’t mind being alone. I’ve gotten used to it. A few minutes later, I heard the chair across from me scrape. A girl with big, doe eyes sat down and smiled at me. My entire body got alert. “Hi, I’m Alice!” She introduced herself. I simple nodded, letting her know that I heard her. I think she understood that I was in no mood to have conversation with her yet she wasn’t discouraged in the slightest. Instead she babbled on. And I surprisingly found myself listening to her. “My Dad is a Doctor and my Mom is an interior decorator.” She said with an adoring look in her eyes. “What do your parents do?” She asked, curiously. “My Father is the Chief of Police.” I answered her. “And your Mom?” She prodded. I wish she would stop asking me questions. “She’s dead.” I whispered. “Oh” Alice looks guilty for asking. “I’m sorry you lost your mother.” She said after a minute of awkward silence. My hands started trembling and my breath came out in huffs. I saw red. “Losing something implies the possibility of finding it again. So, no, I haven’t lost my mother. She died. She’s dead!” Alice looked shocked. I felt guilty for shouting at her. Without taking a second look at her, I dashed out of the cafeteria and out of the school building. I looked at the sky and saw that there are black clouds there. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I keep my temper in control? I kept staring at the black clouds. It looked like it was going to rain at any moment. The clouds would let go. The blackness would wash away with the rain. And tomorrow we would be waking up to another sunny day. The clouds were so lucky. I wish I could let go. I wish the darkness that consumes me would go away. I wish I could see the light of hope again.

Author's Note

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