Baby, Let's make the Heavens Weep in Jealousy

I love that you're so perfectly

wonderful for me

It astounds me that we just seem to fit

no matter what happens in life

no matter who sees us hold hands

It just seems that all the world is rose colored

whenever you're around

You make me want all the cliches

the kisses in the rain

the fireworks

the sappy love songs

the tip toe kisses

you make me wonder if there's anything in the world

that could go wrong right now

you still make my stomach flip every time I see you

even after these four months

And I know I'm sitting here

just writing a classic dopey love poem

but that's what's so amazingly wonderful

You make me want to do these ditzy things

to not be perfect

to just be myself

to laugh loudly

to hide my head when things happen in movies I don't like

to talk to said movie screen

You're just so wonderful

and even though I doubt you'll ever read this

maybe just maybe you will

and if that happens

It might just be...

amazing.

Author's Note

Sorry if it's sappy and normal and cliche, it's what I'm feeling and it's wonderful

Reviews

[Silvario]

amazing is a good word. it suits your writing talent well. I love the open style of this piece, the freeness (if thats a word :p ) of it. like youre just writing thoughs, emotions as they hit you. very enjoyable. :)

[Just Cat]

I like this poem. It may be 'soppy' and 'cliched' but its still romantic and lovely to be honest.
Very nice.
Writing what you feel is exactly what I do, although I suggest more descriptions would make it even better.

[Louise Whalen]

I liked your line about the cliches. Even though it was cliche, because you came out and said it just like that, it was actually unique!

You need a bit more concrete imagery in your poem. Remind, in a poem, you show, don't tell. For example, in your first four lines:

I love that you're so perfectly
wonderful for me
It astounds me that we just seem to fit
no matter what happens in life

How is he wonderful? And what is his wonderful like? How do you two fit? Include literary devices.

Your ending was rather weak. Amazing is a commonly overused word, and again, show don't tell. Why is it amazing and how is it amazing?

Your theme is established, but I think you should go back and see where you need more concrete imagery.

[LilyGrace]

Sappy and normal and cliche can be brilliant and wonderful and fun. Write whatever you're feeling - that's what I do. I write some phenomenally angry poems, just because that's how I'm feeling at the time, but it doesn't always mean that's how I actually feel about that person, or that I want those things to happen to them... although sometimes it does :p
I like this poem - you haven't stuck to traditional rhyming schemes or structure, which is redolent of the feelings you have - love doesn't stick to schemes or structures either. I love your title too - 'let's makes the heavens weep in jealousy' just shows how happy you are. A good write with some good imagery and simple, appropriate language etc. A nice write :)
LGD