Confusion in the Morgue

It's been life

I hate how everything seems to be spiraling

into this eternal spot of dark

of how I just keep finding ways

to cheapen myself and make me feel lower than dirt

I've found the perfect person

to complement me in life

to put me up, to save me from the eternal undertoe
and yet I find ways to deviate

complicated ways to make thing harder

to put me through stress and depression
to make me want to slash myself again

to long to see the blood once more
and even though I stop myself

even though no one knows what's inside

I still feel the opressive demon

rearing it's startingly beautiful head

I hate how I drag myself down

to the filth in which I used to live

It's like subconciously I think that's where I belong

that I don't deserve the richness that I find myself in

and it causes all these contradicting feelings

that tear me up inside

And it just makes me feel...

Normal

Author's Note

We'll see if I work myself out. What do you think?

Reviews

[Silvario]

wow, wonderfulty written. you have talent. a beautiful, smooth flow. i really enjoyed this and am bout to take a look at another of your pieces. nicely done. :)

[Frank F. Atanacio]

wow the writing was well done thanks for sharing :)

[Tomás Ó C..]

Time will help you heal...

[RAWR!]

i think
if you change this section like this:

"I hate how everything seems to be spiraling
into this eternal spot of dark
of how I just keep finding
ways to cheapen myself and make me feel lower than dirt"

put the ways on the line under,
you get a ling and a ing, they sound quite the same, and add a trigger effect to the text.

i dont mean its not good as it is,
im just sayin`


you have a very streight forward way of writing.
usually its not a style that i enjoy reading, but you made it work very well
kudos ^^

[Louise Whalen]

I was reading it again, and I saw that you use "eternal" twice towards the opening of your poem. Might want to replace one eternal with a word that means the same.

Again, you know how much I love this poem. =]

[Louise Whalen]

I connect so f*****g strongly with this poem, it's unbelievable. Is this personal? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.

Some workshop ideas:
I recommend losing the punctuation, since it clutters your piece and doesn't make any sense. Don't capitalize every beginning letter in a new line.

Your ending is great. How you describe all of these insane dark feelings as normal is a great juxtaposition.

I personally want to thank you for creating this poem for us people out there. Unless if this isn't about you at all, well, thanks anyway.