Taking The Hit

A Complex subject

Taking The Hit

My tears are quiet,

muffled by my pillow

as I bury my bruises.

I dare not let you hear my pain,

my fear;

for your guilt would

drive you to subdue me

all the more.

I know you are a good man,

I know you are caring and well meaning

but the anger builds in you

like a pressure cooker.

The magma boils

until it breaches

the rocks of love and respect,

and spouting from your craterous rage

flows hot over my skin

leaving me black and blue.

Then your tears,

your remorse

rubs salt into my open wounds.

So what should I do?

Denounce you, reject you?

They tell me to leave you

but if I did,

the world would know

me to be a wife

fit for nothing

other than a good beating. 

18/02/17

Reviews

[Hi]

Whatever the answers are here the expression is very good; powerfully in words that could probably come straight from some, and emotion that many can relate too. I take the "They tell me..." as something that has already been shared with some at least.

[V]

I think you reflected the complexity of this rather unsettling topic quite well, unfortunately I can tell by experience. The psychology behind bearing abuse, even justifying what's done to you as a victim or denying to see oneself as such is very complex. I think it's a mix of fear, a terrible and dark comfort zone and the hope for better times (some that are beyond one's control). Abusive attitudes make one weak , make one bow and surrender but eventually if one makes it out, it adds to a new kind of strength. Every dark experience does, if filtered and perceived the right way. It def leaves traces or scars, mainly those invisible ones on the heart and soul or the back of your mind though. But before the decision is made to leave this dreadful situation: your exact last words. The feeling ashamed of one's own weakness, the confidence crushed. An interesting part of the poem is how the victim/the speaker emphasizes with the abuser, an almost insane attitude for many outsiders yet a natural one if you're stuck being in a relationship with a two-sided person. Affection (or maybe just the fear of ending up alone or not being able to exist independently) goes cruel ways at times, makes you foggy but also makes you bear a lot. I think everything is to be regarded as bilateral.
You wrote this with such clarity and sensitivity that turns it into a beautiful piece. The talent or even task of an artist; to turn the darkness into beauty.

Enough rambling. A good piece heavy with emotion and empathy.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

It is sad that so many have experienced this. As you say it is an immensely complicated psychological/emotional puzzle. My ex wife suffered it with a previous partner and it scarred her terribly. I also suffered (as a man) but my wife at the time was mentally ill.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you for reading and for contributing such a well considered review.

[V]

You're welcome. It is sad and still seldom (from what I've experienced) to have a man admitting this. I still feel it seems to be such a female topic even. It's how the worls perceives it, I guess.

[Surya]

Well penned, emotical, yeah complex too..
Thank you for sharing..

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Many thanks Surya.

[Cat]

The strong emotions in this poem is extremely evident. they convey fear and sadness, loving and longing. A very deep piece but definitely one the world should see :) 200/100

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you for your kind review Cat.

[Myenigma]

Wow, it makes an impact. I also like your style

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Many thank yous mE.

[B]

Get out
Don't even think for one second
Get out of it

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Not always so simple for many. Thanks for reading.

[B]

i know .... thats why its urgent to get out
trust me
i know

[APOORVA]

very well written
depth and intense
influential

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Apoorva

[Isabella Ivy]

A profound write filled with emotional truths, and well written. 'until it breached the rocks of love and respect', how appropriately stated. Congratulations on crafting this piece :) I.I.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Many thanks I.I.

[Isabella Ivy]

It was my pleasure! I.I.

[Gee]

Complex indeed. Beyond my comprehension why women stay in abusive relationships. You deal with the subject extremely well.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I think it is simple but complex. Inferiority is a powerful tool. Many thanks.

[Tony Jordan]

Either way she loses it seems which highlights the delicacy of breaching such a subject.
You did it here with a deep empathy for the victim John.
Bravo my friend

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you so much Tony. A delicate and difficult subject that even today society struggles with.