Almost

Almost

I came so close to caving in;

to throwing in the towel,

just giving up.

When faith does not exist

and the runes seem to spell disaster,

time and time again,

what else is left?

A black hole swallowed

my soul and the cloak

of hopelessness

billowed around me,

swamping me in its

darkest dankest stench.

That place is the loneliest,

the most isolating, forbidding

corner of the earth.

There one has no options

but to succumb to fate.

To accept one has lost ones way

and there is no way back.

Everything else,

all purpose,

all reason,

all the love that you once possessed,

has fled with the angels

who once believed in you.

So in the cold isolation

of bitter grief

there is but one place to hide.

One place to seek sanctuary

from the torment

of the Devil's taunts.

To sleep,

perchance to fall

into a safe space

where the guilt

and pain and the wracking

self-doubt simply

do not exist

is, at such bleak moments,

all there is.

 

04/01/17

Reviews

[Willard Wells]

Excellent work my friend. The imagery and flow down the dark path you see holds my interest.

[V]

Very relatable and well expressed piece.
Those dark places you speak of, I like to delve into voluntarily at times, when I feel it has already begun to creep over me and I dive in instead of being dragged to reside for a while and surface again, stronger and less turmoiled. It makes me think that at least for me the cure for lasting darkness is the darkness itself. But I'm glad to read another take on it in your writing, a sanctuary you called it to hide from utmost bitterness, similar to the personal hell of your mind and soul (as you mentioned Devil's taunts).

The title, the word Almost made me curious to read your writing as I like its meaning or perception. It's an in-between character to me, reflecting a kind of balance to me. I think your writing has a similar feel to it. I like the way you worked out this topic and crafted this piece.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You are very kind Vanessa with your considered and empathetic response. I will try to read some of your pieces but am struggling with time this past six months. Again many thanks.

[V]

You're welcome. I enjoyed reading this one. No worries, I don't expect reading or reviews back (I don't expect anything of people, I think but sincerity) but you're invited to do so if you ever find time.

[Lyn Anderson]

Darkness and depression flows through this piece. It is stark, and powerful. Such feelings can overwhelm us at times.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed they can 'M'. Thankfully for me this is a memory. Many thank yous.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i hear you on the losing trust that things can get better...we very often can feel there is no way out...we just want to go to sleep and never wake up...sometimes i wonder in the afterlife if we still have those bad dreams...if the sleep will actually be restful at all...

maybe no place is safe.

i dove into this one...and am still trying to get back to the surface...

j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Jacob and I am trusting you broke for air!

[Einstein Noodle]

i think everyone who searches for the spiritual truth .. or ...God .. must fall into this giving up .. your poem races passed the learning point, however, and succumbs to evil's suggestive lust .. "God is not there" or you can not be forgiven" .. "God doesn't care" ..God doesn't listen" etc. etc. and such an inviting tongue the Devil has .. so easy to slip away into his lies .. but lies they are .. it is no soft place we fall into .. so your protagonist seeks sleep as escape .. knowing waking will only bring more of the same .. the learning point i see here is that we can't "make it" ... we can't cleanse ourselves nor work for Heaven .. we can choose to acknowledge that and experience real trust and faith that God does respond to ..taking away our darkness and pain to show us His light of peace, unspeakable joy and comfort .. then it becomes our job to continue, in belief, in what we have experienced .. boy did your poem get me going this morning! sorry to babble on so! :O great write ..its raw and honest to beat hell ;)
E.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Einstein for such considered support. Lucky for me the feelings that provoked this are historical.

[Einstein Noodle]

Amen! ;) and AAAAAAAmen!!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Was that Ah men!

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ...............

[Ayvid N]

I had hit this point once and I resolved I'll never be so helpless again. This is such a deep, dark portrayal of the hell one goes through on betrayal of faith. A very moving poem John. Loved reading it.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Divya and so glad to hear you have strength (I knew it already).

[Ayvid N]

Thanks John. :)
You are welcome....