The Purpose of Nothingness

When duty is done and freedom from responsibility arrives.

The Purpose of Nothingness

I hear nothing

but the pitiful

mortified sobs

of my heart.

That life

can be so,

unbearably cruel

and callous.

That pain is recycled

and doled out

each time

I rebuild

my trust

and regain at least

a glimmer of hope.

Now the days,

are empty

my purpose

stolen away

as life's functions

are slowly

but surely

eroded.

No need

for parenthood,

for career.

No need

to dust and polish,

to vacuum nor

fill lunch boxes.

Nor to sit among

commuter traffic.

Now is supposed

to be my time

but it hardly

seems so

in this silence.

 

09/06/15

Author's Note

Reviews

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

I can only imagine the feeling of melancholy stirred by the sudden solitude. It must be heavy, it must be confusing also. People are people of purpose and always want to be productive and do good, which is why it must be even harder for a person to have less on the plate now and more time to oneself, one's musings, one's aloneness.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Yes Nadia. You get it! Many thanks.

[Robert]

Is this what it is like in retirement? I get a sense of growing older in this piece and a sense of purpose. I Think as we get older we have more purpose not less. You have displayed the feelings of despair. Nicely written and expressed.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Robert. I have been a carer all of my life having helped my disabled mum. Wives, children and in my career with the mentally ill. Now my kids have left home I suddenly only have me to take care of. Don't get me wrong I highly value my peace and lack of stress. I have taken up things I never had time for. But the lack of responsibility is at times hard to relate to lol! Thank you Robert.

[sereenaoutloud]

You are so right we see it as "our time" when the children leave the nest and we can retire but i think it is also a huge change that can leave us lonely and a little lost!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Tis where I am dear Sereena. Saw two of my kids yesterday for Father's day and it was like living again. Many thanks.

[sereenaoutloud]

awww John >hugs< you will find your purpose..when one door closer another one always opens my friend!! :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I know sweet lady. Many thanks and I wish you so much love and happiness.

[sereenaoutloud]

AWWW that is too sweet...thank you !! :)

[R Smith]

sounds like the time of becoming retired which i did last year, have managed so far to make my spare time count but lets hope that it stays that way as in your excellent poem the possibility of finding only boredom is not one i am seeking, we can fill our time, just requires a thought i guess but of course we are the writers of this world, that can take so much of our time and give much pleasure, as yours does John :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I think yo see this well Richard.

[Kelly Scheppers]

My son turns 21 next month, and is about to enter his last year of college. I know the day is coming, when he leaves, but already I am feeling the anxiety of him going, the overwhelming sound of the silence.

"No need
for parenthood,
for career.
No need
to dust and polish,
to vacuum nor
fill lunch boxes."

This one resonates within my heart a little deeper, John...thank you!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You need to prepare for it Kelly. I never did! My son, my youngest, is 21 and still at university but he is the last to leave and I am left what is my purpose. Their mother left them when he was four yet he and his sister chose the attraction of London to our home.

[Willard Wells]

The emptiness and loneliness that we find as we grow older and many expectations fade into lost memories. Some of our purpose and meaning in life is gone and we don't realize the loss until we are alone with our thoughts. Great write John. Passing of life and memories. Love it.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You nailed it Willard. Many thank yous.

[andrew mitchell]

A sad unfortunate circumstance of a write. S**t! happens! But you will do A great Job John

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Many thanks Andrew.

[fattycbreezy52]

This seems so relaxed but sad.It's just like saying that you want freedom without restrictions and yet,when you succeed in achieving that freedom,you miss your old companion-Restrictions!
Very sad and hard-hitting and one more thing,very honest,too!:)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You have seen into this well FCB. I am relaxed and not 'wrist slashing'. I am so used to being the main carer of my children, now adults flown the nest and also be the main breadwinner. But having been on a work break for a year my life is quiet and not as hectic as it once was. It is purpose rather than restrictions one misses. Many thanks.

[fattycbreezy52]

Yes that too.You're welcome:)

[wordman]

well john i liked this sad write

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you WM, I value your encouragement and kindness.

[wordman]

my pleasure john