I, Spectre

When you feel alone in the world.

I, Spectre

I move within the cover of shadows

trying hard not to let the sun expose

what I think and feel.

A leper from love’s brutal beatings,

my aching flesh longs for rest

as my mind seeks refuge, anywhere

it may find it. Unclean, unclean as I

pass among the normal folk who

go about their lives, their work

and their love unscathed.

I watch them frolicking with their kids,

walking hand in hand, sharing glances,

shopping together, playing together.

And as they close their front doors

securely behind them and

ascend the stairs, I lay listening

to the ticking of the clock,

with the light switched off,

feeling I am but

the ghost of the man

I used to be.

 

14/10/14

Author's Note

Reviews

[Ruth]

You write from the heart of life John, I value your writing because it is real and thorny, life is thorny, so why cherry it...you speak with reality...brilliant xo

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you for your kindness Poppy. I guess for us poets for whom love and contentment is elusive one feels but has to look hard for the cherries.

[Ruth]

Damn straight lol My pleasure hon xo

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i love the theme in this...after so many failed relationships, and that pain, we do become the ghost of the person we used to be...like a spectre....but maybe it is safer that way, who knows...
i have stayed in the shadows for a very long time...i know that feeling.
not only the aching flesh, but the aching heart longs for rest.

nicely expressed.

jacob

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Jacob. Wish it were not so for both of us.

[Coyote Poetry]

Very good music and strong words. Loneliness is hard when we are watching from a distance. Your words took the reader to deep thoughts and sad place. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you for such a lovely review Coyote

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Rene Salinas]

I am half a man I used to be said Scott Weiland, I think we all at some point have fet reduced in here the great fluency of the words allows us to take a peek at John's inner world which seems a little depleeted. As he goes observing the surrounding dead men walking around not there really to offer a helping hand more like a reflction of society. And when finally alone the unforgiving clock to remind us that time is at hand and we seem to have become a mimicry of our self.

Good things ot those who wait John

Thankyou

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you so much Rene.

[Lyn Anderson]

Oh, man, do I know this feeling. Since I started running, I nearly break down every time I see a family out biking or running together. I have never had that. I really relate to this. I saw your note it's from 2005, nevertheless the feelings today are just as relevant.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thanks 'M' I wrote this an hour ago. The previous one called 'Masks' was 2005

[Lyn Anderson]

oh, okay, I misunderstood, thank you for clarifying. Nonetheless, it went in my favourites.:)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I am honoured!

[Lydia Shutter]

OH MY! The emotion in this poem is so honest! It's true, we look at others and wonder why they have such "normal" lives while we fight tooth and nail every second. We see only a façade though. Truth is, no one has such an easy life. The changes we go through as we grow older often leave us wondering what became of the person we used to be. That person, though, is still inside. Eventually, we find a way to make a new life...one that includes the used to be and the future. This one really touched me, John. Lydi**

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you so much Lydi. Trouble on WC is so many of us poets have experienced such emotions. I wrote this in 2005 http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Passion8/1025195/ As I had gone through a difficult time and hated going out then realised.