Regret

Regret

I cannot proclaim the day as mine for indeed it is not!

I no more control the roll of life's die than I do the English climate.

The dead leaves that fall from my tears are carried on a crisp,

biting Northeast wind that paints it's frost upon my weary eyelids,

sealing them tight shut.

Squeezing out the light of my ended summer,

I retreat into the darkest corner of my soul

to hibernate among the soothing songs of my heart,

hoping that soon the thaw will come to warm my aged,

cracked bones and break the pack ice that holds me fast.

 

27/10/13

Author's Note

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is amazing. I had to read again.
"I no more control the roll of life's die than I do the English climate."
I live in Michigan. I do understand the above statement. Nothing fall a planned. Better to be flexible than a old tree that won't bend or flow. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Frieda P]

Chilling imagery here John, what's worse than regrets I wonder. I try not to have any but alas we're all human.

'Squeezing out the light of my ended summer'

Sigh, so sad....great choice of music too by the way.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you my Lady!

[Frieda P]

My pleasure John, glad I didn't miss this one, doing the catch up thingy.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

It may take a while. See you in 2015 lol!

[Frieda P]

Oh I know, so much poetry, so little time.....not to mention I get sidetracked easily these days.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

It's you age my dear!

[Frieda P]

Pssh and pfft, you're lucky I can't reach across the pond! ;-P

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Why? What would you reach for my Lady?

[Frieda P]

Lol, you know I"m not touching that, the remark I mean. hahahaha

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Open your breast to Damocles for fate has many more weapons than you may command!

[Lilly]

The imagery you have created in this is sharp and striking!
Particularly liked the use of the words 'frost' and 'thaw' in this piece.
These lines toward the end really grabbed me and stood out:
"I retreat into the darkest corner of my soul
to hibernate among the soothing songs of my heart"

Really enjoyed this. Nice work

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Lilly

[Lilly]

No worries :)

[Casey Haynes]

I'm glad folks mentioned your imagery, because it works in the first part. You become very abstract when you talk about heart and soul. Paradoxically, the closer you write to concrete, personal existence, the more you approach the universal. Write up close to yourself and not what you think it means to be profound and your verse will ring more true.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Well hello Casey. Thank you for your constructive criticism. Neither of us is professional, as your 'About Me' page so succinctly states. You can obviously write and study technical form which I have studiously avoided other than by natural development in my interactions with fellow writers on The Cafe. I do worry somewhat about your psychology and your intentions if your sole purpose, as your 'About Me' states is to point out 'bad' writing. Poetry has many facets. There are the technical poets, the craftsmen and women, the formal and the casual writers on this site. We co-exist much like the organisms of the Earth. It seems you see yourself a phagocyte gobbling up the infection and cleaning the blood that flows through the veins of the Cafe. If you care to examine my writing more thoroughly I think you will find I do not understand the term profound. I simply write as I feel, in my words and in my own style ( although I do have little adversity to being diverse). Enjoy your coffee breaks in the cafe.

[Casey Haynes]

My question to you is why would you avoid learning form? I understand if you don't want to use it, but being aware of it can help your writing immensely. One of the hardest things for me to get the hang of was reading and using meter effectively. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but that little, technical thing can help you to understand why a poem said aloud is beautiful.
I said I'm not a professional, but that's in the strictest sense of the word. I have published over a dozen poems, but I don't like to throw that around.
I am not trying to be antagonistic. It's just my goal to help those who genuinely wish to improve the ways in which they use language to express themselves so that a reader can appreciate those emotions as much as the writer.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You seem to think form is God? Try free verse (Free verse is an open form (see Poetry analysis) of poetry. It does not use consistent meter patterns, rhyme, or any other musical pattern. It thus tends to follow the rhythm of natural speech.[1])

[Casey Haynes]

I do not think that, and there are plenty of great poems that aren't in any sort of form (e.e. cummings is a tremendous example). The thing is, your logic is backward. The reason meter is studied is because it mimics the cadences of the English language, believe it or not.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I am aware that free verse mimics natural speech!

[s y e]

You've always been a vivid writer John - this is great.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Sye.

[redflutterby]

This speaks to my current state of mind. Your imagery is amazing John.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Many thanks AMS. The thaw will come!

[Leslie Philibert]

Fine use of external images to describe an internal dilema, like this poem.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you so very much Leslie.

[Lydia Shutter]

The metaphor and imagery in this poem are stunning.....so vivid! No, we can not control circumstance or the weather, can we? If we could, that would be one more responsibility though...not sure it would be a good thing. Such an emotive write, John. Good one. Lydi**

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you so much Lydi.

[Pryde Foltz]

The dead leaves that fall from my tears are carried on a crisp,
biting Northwest wind that paints it's frost upon my weary eyelids,
sealing them tight shut.

Wow, there's an image. Awesome.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Pryde.

[Mark]

The healing process... A very picturesque work that fits so well with the season.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Mark.