The Battle

The Battle

One day I will win

the battle for my peace.

The devil will lay bloodied

and broken,

his skull caved in like egg shell,

his crown crushed as tin

beneath my heavy foot.

Until then, I

must gather my army of angels

and wage a tactical war.

A skirmish here,

a dark night raid.

A frontal assault upon

his mighty fortress,

slitting the throats

of his disciples as I go.

My dirk tightly grasped

like life itself

in my free

and human hand

to protect my soul.

 

03/09/12

Reviews

[Alexandria Reece]

You write with such authority, this is a wonderful expression of your thoughts on the war you mean to wage with evil. This is so human, you really captured something that is so broadly relatable for mankind and captured it with dark, beautiful, triumphant imagery.

'his skull caved in like egg shell,
his crown crushed as tin'

Embellishments like these I would encourage you to continue with! You really got me to feel and see and taste what your mind was trying to relate to the reader. This is aggressive, unique, and wondrous! The imagery at the end sort of reminded me of a scene from 'The Silmarillion'... if you have read it I'll tell you which I thought of, if not there's no reason to begin story time with Alexandria on your review section! :P

All in all, wonderful work John.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Alexandria. I will check it out.

[Alexandria Reece]

You're welcome :)

[Rhianne Ney]

You'll win the battle for sure... God Bless ;D

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hi Rhianne, I intend to but the war takes a little longer, lol!

[Rhianne Ney]

It's okay a ray of light will shine one day,
Good day and God Bless you always ;D

[...]

But you already win the 'battle' every time you write :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hi Lynn, yes writing does have a true cathartic property. Thanks

[Lily Mae]

This reminds me that we to often walk that fine line between good and evil per say.. We do what we have to..too protect our souls..xo excellent write.. :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Yes it is true we often struggle to feel good about ourselves. Thanks Lily Mae x

[Muse]

I can relate to this fight. My demons taunt me day and night. I wish you luck in your battle...because I know how hard it can be to breathe.... when everything seems to cave in on thee. x

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hi Muse we have to fight them. X

[emmajoy]

Like, approve - if I may, of the way you've woven a past around the present: used phrasing and words (eg dirk) as if waging a chivalrous battle but in fact, are fighting your present and personal demons. Tis a cleverness of writing, well put, well read.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thanks Emma

[emmajoy]

You're welcome.. could be the core of a saga: a war between inner factions. Anyway, won't take up your precious time or space.

[MOON]

That much maligned word jihad , in my meaning the inner struggle comes to mind here. Slay the dragons.. Lovely lines and imagery until then I must gather my army of angels and wage a tactical war, a skirmish here, a dark night raid . Powerful write.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Many thank yous Moon!

[Jolie Blossom]

This is so strong and demanding, I couldn't take my eyes away. Absolutely loved it

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank you Jolie that is very nice.

[Kim Martel]

"his skull caved in like egg shell," fantastic line.
I would change the title. Type that title into google and just see what comes up. It is to vague and really hackneyed.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Thank for the review. So what would you name it?

[SHEEMA HUQ]

imaginative metaphores used in this compelling sequence, well done!

[Pax]

its the strenght of your soul. great write!