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this is more like a letter more than anything. just need to get it off my mind ..

I miss you. Its been so long since I have cried. So long since I let myself feel...anything. I heard a song today, a song I had forgotten about, a song I used to listen to religiously. It brought back so many memories, so many sad, hard memories. I hate this weight I feel in my chest, I hate the bile that forms in my throat, I hate the flash flood of memories. It wont ever end, I will always miss you, I will always think of you. I love you. I still think of you everyday, every god damn day. Maybe I need to cry, let myself feel. I mean it has been 7 years since you left me.. left us. Things are hard right now... Mama is sad, she don't mean to be, but things are so god damn hard. The house, the money, the liars that surround us makes it so hard to be happy. Jr. is big now, nearly 12. He is so smart, so kind and giving, just like you are...were. I love you, and I forgive you. I forgave you awhile ago. I feel pain, and sadness, but not anger, not anymore. That was replaced but pure grief. I reached the last step... as those textbooks would say...Iv reached acceptance. Just know, you are on my mind, like you always are. I love you. I miss you. Just know that.