Too late?

twenty one years and four months ago

marriage started young and new

 

our apartment small our love large

any time without you only brought sorrow

 

in time there were fights a few babies too

hurtful words created a chasm bottomless and cruel

 

we both were trying to make our lives full

our house large and our love now small

 

you in your cave and I on the couch

not aware of the damage. Is it too late?

 

 

 

Reviews

[Annalisa]

This poem is heartbreaking and lovely in the same breath because it's real and this sadly happens to often for our own comfort. There were a few lines that were a bit off, nothing technical but a little awkward and disrupted the flow, but that's all opinion and just a suggestion of something to think about. This was a lovely read, even when it was as sad as it was. And I agree with Nancy, it's never too late as long as your still willing to try.

"we both were trying to make our lives full
our house large and our love now small"
-----------> I get the point you're making but these two lines were just a bit awkward and I had to read them a few times to make them sound right in my head and it interrupted the flow of the poem.

"you in your cave and I on the couch"
---------------------> Being a fellow cave person I understand the appeal as well as the way that it hides you from other people but I don't think the word quite fits here.

[Wondering Mind]

So very sad and very well penned.
"you in your cave and I on the couch
not aware of the damage. Is it too late?" This paints a picture which says so much about human nature.

[Pink Poison]

The poem describes the pain of separation from those we should be closest too. I have often said that I was never lonelier than when I was married and sleeping next to someone who didn't even know me anymore. This piece is a beautiful portrayal of love on the rocks. I like how you've used the allusions of the small house with the big love vs. the big house with the small love. Isn't that what happens so often? As we gain material wealth, we lose sight of what made of love each other in those first frugal years. Wonderful poem, thanks for sharing it.

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

So Sad, but I can tell you that it is never too late.

Heartfelt poem of sadness.

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A good poem, short, sweet and succinct. I think you show the strain of marriage, especially where kids are involved, really nicely here.

I only have one remark and that is where you write 'crewel', I'm assuming you meant 'cruel?'

A very good job.

[Adela Muresan]

This is so sweet... it's tragic how some loves create wounds in time.
You show real love in thease verses, in a kind of realistic approch.

Great write.

A.M.