Home Now

Home Now

“Yes Sir!” I hear from the other side of the bed and it shakes as he bolts upwards. My heart skips a beat. I can’t do this again. Please not again. Michael’s breathing is short and unsteady, his lungs giving out. I roll over quickly and put my hand on his back.

    “Michael? Michael, you’ve got to calm down, okay?”

    His body is trembling and sweat starts to seep through his grey army shirt.

    “Michael. Michael, can you hear me?”

    It’s like he’s on another planet again. He puts his head into his hands and shakes it back and forth. The tears flow through his fingers and onto the sheets, drop by drop. Ever so softly I try to massage his back, but the longer I go on, the more he trembles. My hands get more timid as he cries. He shakes his head even more violently than before and mumbles under his breath so that it’s barely audible.

    “It’s so dark...so many people...bodies…”

    I interrupt him in a panic, scared of where it will go.

“Michael, no. No! You’re not in the war anymore. You’re here at home.” I throw my fists against the sheets, tears falling with them. “They don’t need you anymore. We do!” My voice gets quiet, almost a whisper. “I do.”

He doesn’t even hear me. “Their blood on my hands...their blood is on my hands,” he says, pulling them away from his soggy face, whimpering at them and presenting them to me. “Their blood…”

I take his hands in my own and kiss them all over. He looks up at me with his bulging eyes, those clear blue eyes that I fell in love with three years ago. Oh, what do I say to him to let him hear me?

Instead of speaking, I place his hands underneath mine and guide them over to my heart.

“Do you feel that, Michael? Do you feel it? That’s life. That is the heart that loves you with every ounce of my being: A brave, strong Father and husband.

I then move our hands over so that he is touching his own heart. He seems to slowly be coming back to earth.

“Michael, you’re still here. No matter what happened that day in the war, you’re still here and we love you. I love you.” I say, leaning in to kiss him peacefully on the cheek, then the lips. He kisses me back, timidly at first, then with passion. He looks me in the eyes, wipes away a few tears, and lowers himself back into bed.