Lost

Lost who I am; Confusion.

As it rained yesterday, I just watched every raindrop coldly, slowly penetrate into objects.
Each drop was just, unique.
They carried different sounds.
Each described a trait.
Except-that one rain drop that deceived you.
Thinking that it was going to stop raining, yet trailing behind, a million more fell.
As I compressed my feet through cement, I didn’t know if I was walking on sharp nails or rewarding gold.
Confusion surrounded me like a mysterious condensed cloud.
At this point I'm not positive, but all I know is that I do feel;
Tired
Frightened
Lost
Hopeless
Wrong
Hideous
Unachieved
All summed up in one.
I know one day someone will see what is being contained behind these fake smiles.
That this person, and this person only, might just know every single detail about me.
That all three hundred sixty five days being lived repetitively, there has been something wrong.
But who will know?
When will they know?
I feel like I'm drowning, unable to be rescued.
My fall cannot be caught.
There's not a single soul who's ready to give their all. Not all that suits my standards.
But the one, that I can trust. I live in doubt about.
I wish that I could tell you that I love you with all my heart. Though I know this person will not feel the same.
Assured.
Forgive me for being unsatisfied, because I know you are not.
But I'll tell you something.
I regret our timing being miscommunicated.
I'm winter. Your summer.
I hide under a thick sheet of white-speechless.
While you are always exposed to joy and sock in sunshine.
But may I remind you?
It doesn't always have to be a certain season for it to rain.
So why do we deceive our self through pain?