Arms Open

Dear JJ, 

Nollaig Shona Duit. 

I wish I could be happier Jack, I am hurting. 

But you give me so much strength. 

I put on my old boots and your Easter Lily pin and I go marching on. 

I want to run away from him. 

His anger 

His unkindness. 

I want to help him. 

Erase his confliction. 

But even though he says he isnt..

He is fading away.

Pushing me away.

I do not deserve any of this.

I should've said no the moment I felt my stomach lurch. 

The moment the little red flags started popping up. 

He just drinks it all away. 

and he spits out venom 

Did he ever stop and look? 

At the girl in front of him?

Desperately trying to help? 

Did he ever know how much she cared?

She counted down the days

and then he sent her away. 

Jack....

I am broken. 

Again.

I need to get away...

but I don't have enough strength yet. 

please. 

Please pray for me Jack. 

I need help. 

He needs help. 

I hope you have a Merry Christmas. 

I think of you often. 

And sometimes what really clears the fog is the thought of what you would think. 

There's no way you would've liked him. 

Perhaps his faith in God, but the rest? 

He is horrible. 

Why can't I be stronger? 

I can feel your arms open. 

And I step in to breathe. 

Author's Note