Fake It

Drive around

Night time no where to go

Melt me down

I'm like wax to your jokes

Don't turn over the page

We should rip it straight out

Then let's try our very best to        

fake it

I can feel myself slowly crumbling each day.

And at dinner my father said it again.

"You just make everything worse."

I stood there in silence.

And to my surprise, I didn't feel that sinking heart.

That punch in the gut.  

But he told me not to give him that sad look.

I have been told that phrase for most of my life.

And at the end of the day, it hurts more than anything.

Especially when you were just trying to help.

To make things the opposite.

Better.

And when you are told something over and over again...

You begin to believe it.

But I will try my hardest not to believe those words.

I have to fake a lot of things.

At family dinner parties, I fake the fact that I'm lonely.

I fake that I'm torn apart.

I fake that I have been so emotionally abused over the years, there is rarely a kind inner voice in my head.

Eyes feast on me.

And one would think I have it all together.

But there are days, I really do not.

 

 

Author's Note