The Descent

I looked up to you

I trusted you

I put faith in you

Now I'll stare you out as you pass me on the way down

There are men.

And then there are men.

I experienced something very uncomfortable Sunday night.

And I have noticed a steady pattern.

And it's breaking my heart.

But I outright refuse to acknowledge the type of eyes I get.

At my church we had a new priest subbing for our regular Priest.

During Mass I could see his eyes flicker towards me.

And at the end of the service he looked right at me as he walked down the aisle.

And this look wasn't an ordinary look.

The way he looked at me made me feel like nothing but an object.

A piece of meat to devour.

I had red lipstick on and a low cut black shirt.

A beautiful long flowing floral skirt...with a slit in the middle.

I shrugged it off, and thought that perhaps it was all in my head.

And on my way out, he was there.

Shaking the parishioners hands.

And that's when I realized the truth.

He saw me.

And he took my hand and murmured.

Thanks for coming my dear.

His vibe gave off so many snakes.

And the way he squeezed my hand...the way he held onto it for longer than normal made me want to vomit.

I've heard stories of priests.

I know the majority of them are lovely.

But this unfortunate moment made my skin crawl.

I have felt so uncomfortable or have been inappropriately touched by:

A stranger

An eye doctor

And now this priest made me feel so sexualized I was ashamed of what I wore.

I have been asked out because of my body.

Because of how I look.

Not for who I am.

I put faith in men.

But now I have changed.

And I'll put my faith in the good men only.

The ones who can see me.

For me.

And from now on I will not tolerate those eyes.

And I'll glare back.

Like a force of power.

A power not to be messed with.

Or disrespected.

Author's Note