Send them Off

Set me free

From my jealousy

help me exercise my mind

I want to be f r e e

as I'll ever be

It's all I've been seeing lately.

My peers are all getting married.

They are all having babies and starting families.

I can name you over 9 girls who recently gave birth.

Some of these people are younger than me.

And I hate it.

I hate it with a passion.

Why?

Because I feel like I am being left behind.

Forgotten.

Because they're living my dream.

And when I see them out and about they look at me with certain eyes.

Eyes of curiosity.

"Why aren't you married?"

"Why aren't you a mother yet?"

I've always wanted to have my own family.

To find someone who will love me.

Even my brother is dating a girl who is younger than me.

And it's like a slap in the face.

Loneliness could kill me.

But it hasn't killed me yet.

It's slowly making me feel crazy.

Unloved.

One of my friend's fathers recently looked at me in disbelief.

25 and still single?

Then he looked at me in pity.

I wanted to punch him.

But I didn't dare to, because his daughter, my former best friend was buried five years ago.

More than anything I wish I could snap out of this constant circus of feeling this state of panic.

And I wish I could stop wondering why the things that are happening to my peers aren't happening to me.

Author's Note

Reviews

[AcasualPawn]

A kid was crying from fear darkness .........parental need
A youth was crying from loniness of darkness.......social need
An aged is crying from silence of darkness....... Time need

When i snapped out of dream
Iam laughing at fate of darkness....... Caged by shackles of mortal world

[AcasualPawn]

Loneliness of darkness........

[Tony Jordan]

The journal style of your pieces show and artist and a 'real' person. Not for you the fake route to happiness - because therein lies only self-disgust - like that of a high-functioning alcoholic.
Patience Kat.
A good soul as yours will surely reap the rewards denied to those who are not even fit to tie your shoes my lovely friend.
:)))

[Kathryn Smith]

Aww Thank you Tony!! :))) I feel I am having this really odd quarter life crisis going on...but life is too short to worry. Just take one step at a time eh? xx

[Tony Jordan]

Quarter life crisis - ah even the sun gets those - every two billion or so years.
One step is advised. Jumping leads to falls but that's the old man in me talking.
(hugs)
x

[Kathryn Smith]

haha oh I hear ya! You know me though..I tend to get overly excited. I'll probably start skipping and stumble or fall too. ;) (hugs!)

[Tony Jordan]

Haha - you klutz (kidding)
Skip all the way Kat.
check your profile for the best craic on skipping
(hugz)

[Kathryn Smith]

Thanks Tony! I'll have a peek in the morning. I'm off to sleep. Love you much! *Hugs*

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

I agree with Annette love your work it's very good honest raw touching
Don't worry what others think of you live your life your way xx marriage etc is not the only way to go I have three adult kids none married it's your own choice xx

[Kathryn Smith]

Aw Thanks! And You're right..thank you! :)

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Kathryn your poem is so personal and your honest words show such vulnerability. The original form and fonts, colors, are so uniquely you. And you are unique and lovely and very young. Don't waste your precious time on envying others. Live and write and keep open to love- it will come! Blessings.

[Kathryn Smith]

Thank you so much Annette!! Very appreciated! Hugs!