Lose it

I'm at  my towns festival

And the ground is spinning

Fighting to get away from my two wandering feet

Dizzy

I want to throw up

Hundreds of eyes are watching me

I'm an ant in a crowd

Weaving my way through

I'm so tiny some never see me

Who are these people?

Strangers I don't know

My stomach sinks

Lost in a crowd

They see me walking

Alone

I am alone among

Boyfriends

Girlfriends

Family

Friends

Where are my friends?

One is having a fire with other friends

and I wasn't invited

One didn't show up

One is underground rotting

Some are away on vacation

The rest are across the globe

Most are with their significant others

A boy from my past sits next to me

He says:

You're so fierce

Too Intimidating

Oh.

Sorry.

The crowd is closing in on me

and I panic

A woman appears with her husband

And almost runs me over with her bike

Looks of pity chomp on me

They eat me alive

So I walk home

I am super invisible girl

Fireworks crack

In the morning my mother asks if Rachel called

Nope

My father says in disapproval

You need to get out more!

And I lose it

Fists against the wall

They say:

"It's your fault you're single"

"You need to be happier"

And I lose it

DO YOU NOT SEE ME TRYING?

HAVE YOU NOT SEEN MY F*****G WORLD CRUMBLE?

I DO get out

I DO try

and I lose it

Because I have been damaged

and I am too afraid to speak to anyone

in fear of getting hurt

because hurt

Is all I've ever felt

And I lose it

I don't belong here

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Oh, you belong here, alright, Kathryn!
If for no other reason than to show us what being alive and human still feels like, to still know what truth sounds like, to wonder at how amazingly you say things in such deeply rousing imagery and impact to the mind, heart, and sensation of genuine emotional impact.
I love learning more about you with every personal overflowing your pen shares, and it is not simply information; you possess the real knack of enchanting and captivating your readers, so once they start they cannot quit, until the last period, and even then, wanting more.
You make us look deep into ourselves, and take a good look at how we aught not to be, at how we aught to be.
Ah, I could go on, but I'd surely wear my welcome thin … just know you're right where you belong, and that if more were like you, the world would be a far better place to live and breathe.

Thank you, Kathryn, for sharing you … the real You.
Hugs! ⁓ Richard : )

[aj milton]

"When you're down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, nothing is going right......"

(you said it JT)

[Tony Jordan]

Better to be ms pac-man than a little yellow pill getting chomped!
Imagine them all naked Kat!
Works for me.

[Kathryn Smith]

LOL!! :D hahahah ooooooi ye boy ye.. Thanks for making me smile. xx

[Tony Jordan]

Och - You're always smiling Kat.
But seriously panic attacks are no fun - I can relate bigtime. :S

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Kathryn I know how hard it is for you. Your situation is so relatable. I love the dizzying flow and honesty of your poem. You allow us to feel what you feel as it happens. Great narrative style and predatory imagery-"Looks of pity chomp on me. They eat me alive"Your words are as beautiful, strong and independent as you are. Never change. Xo

[Kathryn Smith]

Thanks so much Annette. xx :)

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

I'm on your side! Parents worry so much that they may sound harsh and critical- but it's just out of love for you. They want the "best" for you. But their "best" may not be entirely what you want or need. I would tell you to go out in nature and clear your mind of all negativity, quiet your body, and let peace happen. Works for me!xx:))

[Kathryn Smith]

Oohhh I love nature walks! I already feel better. :) Love you Annette. Thank you again! xo

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

I think I will do the same! Love you back Kathryn.:))