Breaking Free p2

Give me back what's mine.

When I was in 7th grade, a friend of mine rolled her eyes and scoffed at my constant happiness.

I clearly remember her telling me that one day something or someone would break me and take away all my light.

I always wondered what would happen. When it would happen.

Was it possible to lose that glow in my soul and the spark in my eyes?

I grew into my 20s and still nothing had happened.

Nothing had taken my light away.

Nothing until last summer.

And I will never ever wish the pain I endured upon anyone.

I know now what it's like to lose the light and spark in your soul.

To feel worthless.

Ugly.

Diseased.

Unwanted.

Used.

Let down and run over.

I flew to see someone who led me on for 2 years.

Who promised me so much.

Who when I got there, gave the opposite.

I remember hanging on a thread but hoping through the looming reality he showed me.

I left my things at his place on purpose, so I could force a goodbye.

In the morning, I woke up early and walked with my luggage behind me down Main street in Killarney, Ireland.

The streets were ghostly.

Not a soul was outside.

My wheels rolling against the pavement were deafeningly loud.

I was ready for the locals to come out of their homes and scold me for waking them up.

And that's when I saw it.

His apartment door cracked open, with my things sitting on the stairs.

No trace of the person who said he would say goodbye.

Angry, I plowed through a small flock pigeons eating their morning crumbs.

I jumped past my things he left, sprinted up the stairs, and made him face me.

The last memory I have of him is his uncomfortable tip toeing around his behavior.

I remember being polite and in reply choking through my hurt whispering: It was nice to meet you, too.

That girl in 7th grade didn't mention that it's possible to find the light you lost again.

And I am happy to say I'm experiencing it as I write this.

Last summer was hell..but as the year went on I could feel my light growing again.

The best part of it all is fully believing that no; you aren't ugly, diseased, or unwanted.

You are in fact, very wanted.

And the butterflies that return are whimsical.

They're one of the most beautiful and reassuring things you will ever feel.

The key to keeping your light is to live your life.

To choose happiness and kindness.