Look at you

When I look at you

I see joy

And when you look at me

You smile

Like you know me

Like you want me

And I can see love in your eyes

but I can never smile back

I freeze in a wide eyed gaze

Deer in the headlights

My heart stops

I look away

Why?

Because I am  afraid

Not of you of course

but of love

For love is monstrous

It is ugly

It is nerve wracking

And it can break your heart

into pieces

I cant afford

to be used again

to be broken again

But I can see you

And you see me

Should I leap?

Or should I let you down?

The lust kills

As you appear over and over

again in my dreams

So perhaps one day

I'll smile back

When I look at you