You have a way of weaving words. I identify myself in some of your lines. Nicely crafted, line breaks and single word lines punctuate your thoughts well. An enjoyable read. R x
I liked the softness and the tone of the words. The story told in the poem. Realistic and honest words and thoughts. I liked the flow of thoughts that lad to good ending. Thank you Kathryn for sharing your amazing poetry.
Coyote
Online mystery story or romance? Either way or maybe the two are cooking very nicely on the hob. However, methinks one has to remember that authors and poets make.believe for a living or love.. that they lure folk into their words.. and consequently, care needs be taken.
Your style and warmth, your phrasing and belief is heart.told.. Take care.
Call me crazy but this makes me think of Gwen Stacy and Peter Parker.
anyway, this long distance relationship, as most do will require a hero. your poem is beautiful and thought out.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Nahh you're not crazy. It makes sense! :D Thanks for the review. xx
A message in the bottle of her mind, thoughts that still have no time to distill the truth and raw view of the emotions she can spew, but she doesnt fear, does she? She knows just who will hear, is she dreaming still or finally revealed her passion, the lust that builds to roue the beautiful body of hers. Oh the delight, there is no need to fight dear.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
I love your review! Its so poem esk. ;) Thanks for stopping by.
This is brilliant! Have an idea it's someone you mentioned to me before. Was a good read. Well done
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Thanks so much!! I think your idea is right. ;) Thanks for stopping by! I'll have to read some of yo.. read moreThanks so much!! I think your idea is right. ;) Thanks for stopping by! I'll have to read some of your stuff soon too! xo
"When you talk
And take her in
Look at the clock
Does it resemble a liar?" - I like how the voice you've created here sounds distant- almost a little bitter. I took out your original spacing here for the sake of review space, but I also like how you spaced out the words like they themselves create some physical distance. I don't know if that's what you intended, but I thought it was well done.
"And minutes turn to hours
Hours" - The repetition of hours here is great. It drives home just how long an hour feels when you're in anticipation mode.
"In smiles and in laughter
In the happiness of endless banter " - I would usually say be careful about adding a rhyme scheme to a poem in the middle of it or out of nowhere, but I thought that the rhyming of these lines really worked in this piece.
"The joy
It adds fuel to the fire
You want to fly up?
Then go and find her" - I like what you're saying here, but I felt that it was a tad cliche to use fire imagery. I feel as though there is another way to say this and not come across as cliche.
"What do you see?
Grey
Blue
Darkness
Gloom?" - I like that you sort of led us on a color trip, and urged the reader to imagine the colors that make up the sky, but then it took a turn into something darker and my imagination immediately altered my vision of this sky.
"Then look at her
Starry eyed
Giddy
She lives for sunshine
Life is her party " - I love star imagery. These lines really gave me a feel for who this girl might be and what she may be like. The play on the "life of the party" saying seems mundane, but has so many subtle implications.
"Colors bleed and colors blend
She lives like she's near an end" - another good example of where a brief rhyme scheme can work in a poem, well done.
"Jumping is how she mends" - this sentence was a little unclear to me in the grand scheme of the poem.
"Her walls are crumbling
Fears coming undone
If you went so far
To touch her
She'd come alive" - These lines were really delicate sounding to me, giving this girl another angel that hadn't initially crossed my mind. I really enjoyed the visuals that I got out of it. One thing that I would alter, I would add 'as to' after 'far' for easier reading. So the lines would read:
'If you went so far as
to touch her'
but it is a good read as is if you dislike how that sounds.
"Goodnight
Goodnight
Goodbye
Goodbye
Why?
Why is she feeling
Like a school girl on a Sunday night?" - This is another stanza where I think you did the repetition really well. Even rhyming 'goodbye' with 'why' gives it a kind of unusual rhythm that I thought was really interesting. I loved that I knew immediately what you meant by "Like a school girl on a Sunday night" even though I can't verbally explain that feeling. You've summed it up with that one beautiful line.
" Ink on paper
Heart in throat
Stomach churning
Sparks burning
This is just right" - Here, you're taking things that belong together (ink and paper) and holding them to the standards of things that don't go together (heart and throat). I like this a lot because you're making it sounds like having your heart in your throat is a natural feeling. It's not, but you've made it so. That is an excellent characterization - then to say it's just right is so powerful.
"She's done this before
Her words lay around the world
In tins
Drawers
Boxes in dirt" - There is a rawness and sort of, ability to relate in these lines that really struck me. I love that your being abstract with a purpose. The abstractions forward the piece.
"Someone will appreciate
All of her time
Each and every line" - Isn't that what every writer craves the most? An Audience to appreciate the passion they've put into their work. You seem to have an unfortunate understanding of that feeling. I would like you to know here that I appreciate this piece and the honesty you've written with!
"Racing with the clock
With the liar" - I love that bitterness or resentment makes it's second appearance.
"You're here to stay
In her thoughts
In her words
And in these letters to Oxford
She'll give you the world" - You've illustrated really well, the old saying that If you fall in love with a writer, you'll live forever. Beautiful.
Overall, I had a great experience with this piece. Very engaging work, it kept me thinking, imagining, wondering. Thank you for the read, Write on!
-Rynn
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Rynn! I genuinely love your reviews because you give so much helpful feedback. Thank you so much!! I.. read moreRynn! I genuinely love your reviews because you give so much helpful feedback. Thank you so much!! I'm so happy you loved it. I had fun writing it.xo
Yeah...I suppose it is...kind of. More like an long distance blooming friendship thing...long story... read moreYeah...I suppose it is...kind of. More like an long distance blooming friendship thing...long story..but we're having fun. :)