Shame

I'm so nervous saying this out loud..

As the words roll off my tongue and out my mouth:

I can see a change

I can see a change in you

I can see it coursing through your veins

and it is a shame

it is a shame on you

I can barely recognize your face

I don't like who I'm seeing lately

Jr. High.

I'm sure we all remember those awkward days. 

There, I experienced my first "friend dump." 

I remember walking through the doors one morning...

All the students in the school had to wait in the cafeteria before being dismissed to report to our lockers.

My friend Julie pushed her way though the crowd...she looked slightly uneasy.

She pointed to my best friend michelle who was awkwardly sitting at a table with some girls.

Julie handed me a folded up letter and told me it was from Michelle. She told me to read it.

So I opened it.

And my stomach dropped to the ground.

This was out of the blue -

The very girl I had shared so many good moments with growing up - wrote me a hate letter.

In her words she mocked me.

Threatened me.

and belittled me.

She friend dumped me.

I was shocked. I felt sick. The next thing I knew, Julie and I were in the councilor's office.

Ellen, a new girl and some other girls heard about the letter and took me under their wing without any hesitation.

As I've grown up and have experienced a bit more life -

I have found out that this friend dumping does not stop in the adult world.

 This is what gets on my nerves the most:  

Someone makes a bond with you.

A friendship.

Then suddenly they  change into someone you would never recoginze.

They suddenly don't want your friendship anymore and completely cut you off.

It's so casual and cruel.

And they leave you.

Just.

Like.

That.

And the weirdest part?

You were kind to them.

You did absolutely nothing wrong.

I choose my friends carefully.

I let them in when I trust them.

It's what makes the cut off sting the most.

Yet at the end of the day, it is important to realize it is their loss.

There is nothing to dwell on.

You just have to keep walking.

Yes - It gets tiring and is shameful when someone just throws you away.

Especially after you gave it your all.

But at least you know you're kind.

And true to yourself.  

Author's Note