Happiness Pt 1: Dear Dad

Take a glorious bite of the whole world.

Dear Dad,

One of my favorite memories of you is when I was small.

You called me into the living room. I sat on your lap. Your warm and big strong arms wrapped around me.

It was Christmastime and you told me to listen carefully to the music booming on the speaker. You said that there was a surprise at the very end.

I listened closely, concentrated, and as the music ended I couldn't hear anything. For one minute it was horrific that I couldn't hear what you were hearing. - Suddenly I heard it! Jingle bells in the air! It was Santa Claus!

I looked up at you with big excited eyes.

You looked back at me and said I could grab the whole world.

Fast forward years and years and here you are looking at me in disgust.

You look at me with confusion and disgust because I came back from Ireland and seemed like I did not appreciate it.

Even today you think I didn't appreciate the trip - I did, but what you and mom both do not understand is just how much someone hurt me.

Mom has no sympathy whatsoever and brushes it off. 

And you? I still haven't been able to bring myself to tell you what happened.

Time has gone by, yes, but it is still very raw and real.

If a bullet from a gun hit you in the leg - and you lived; you still couldn't just skip happily away.

It takes time to heal.

So.

I want you to picture this:

Picture your daughter making a friend.

Her friendship blooms into more and she is told that she's wanted and beautiful for not 1 month..or two months..but for nearly 2 years.

About 20 months.

He was someone who had similar interests.

Someone who took the time to talk to her for hours on end.

They gave one another music. Talked of his family. Her family. Their hopes, dreams, fears, likes, dislikes...everything.

Your daughter felt special. She felt loved.

So what did she do?

She flew to Ireland to visit him.

And when she got there, that person who had spent hours telling her she was wanted - the person who created a bond with her, let her in to his flat.

And he told her:

"Sometimes people say things they don't mean."

And yes, daddy - it gets worse.

Your daughter has an enormous eager heart and one of the most positive minds around.

Imagine her putting on her best dress to impress him. She wanted to try her best to be her best around him. - She still wanted to be his friend. To look past his flaw. To simply try.

She ran to his apartment, let herself in with the key he gave her and bounded excitedly up the stairs.

He said she could see him tonight.

She knocks on his door.

No answer.

She knocks again.

No answer.

She stands there in her beautiful pink dress feeling hideous.

The world spins. It blurs.

Her heart sinks. It breaks.

Because she knows he's in there - and finally after a while he opens the door.

He speaks to her and eventually turns her away - he sends her back to her hotel.

He's apparently too tired for a visit tonight.

The man she had flown miles to see eventually ditches her on her last day.

He crumbles her self confidence.

He took her hopeful heart out and ripped it to pieces.

He confuses her.

Leaves her.

Betrays her.

She remembers hearing him mention another girl as she sat next to him.

She remembers him saying out loud: "I liked you on Facebook."

She remembers him not wanting to go out. Him and her staying put in his small flat.

One night she asked him to dance - and he said no.

But most of all she remembers his lack of courage. His lack of human care and respect towards women.

The little girl you held on your lap couldn't smile last summer. She couldn't move.

She stayed in her bed feeling things she had never felt before.

It's as if she broke in half - and she'll never ever forget that pain.

Your daughter broke, and your daughter is still hobbling out of the memories and madness.

So daddy, if anything - I hope you understand why I came home with a fake smile.

I hope you understand why I curled up in my bed. Why I was in misery. Why I was suddenly so bitter. So seemingly ungrateful.

I know I am lucky dad. And I will always treasure Ireland.

It is in my blood after all.

But sometimes - certain life lessons are tougher than others.

And when you see my happiness and joy - please know it is genuine.

Without dark - there would be no light seen.

and with no light - there would be no dark.

  

Author's Note

Reviews

[Anjali]

I am cyring... :(.
I hope you are good Kathryn. Composing myself. Well, some life lessons are seriously tough but eventually they are to make us strong. He showed what he is but I understand what you felt like since you've mentioned it in this poem. In India, the Holy Bhagwat Gita it is written as "Whatever Happens, Happens for the Best".

Well, after the end of the dark tunnel, there is light. I hope you find it too.

Hugs...
Your friend,
Anjali

[D Connolly]

Broken hearts suck. What a d****e. I really feel angry that you went through that, and I'm glad that in recent months you have become more happy and your heart is stronger. I can just tell by your writing that you are pulling through. I don't like that guy...

[Kathryn Smith]

Thanks so much D. :) It was a pretty traumatizing experience for sure. His brother passed away in 2015 so sometimes I wonder if his grief made him into who he is...but it still doesn't give you the excuse to treat someone like that. Thanks for the review! :) xo I don't like that guy anymore either.

[Sara Lufrano]

Hi Hi!

Very interesting formatting. Also, great job on the POV. The action throughout and the story of her being broken up with is good.

I'd like to see more of what she thinks her father would think while the guy is "ghosting" her. Or more feeling from her. Is she embarrassed about how she let the guy treat her? Will she ever flat out tell her father what happened? Did the dad know she was going there to see a boy?

Your writing is strong and I think those little details like that can be added in and still keep the effortless flow you have.

Thanks for the read!

[Tony Jordan]

"Men are rats. Listen to me, they're fleas on rats. Worse than that, they're amoebas on fleas on rats. I mean, they're too low for even the dogs to bite.
The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy" - from Grease.

A truly heartbreaking tale told without spite or venom - just told like it is.
So very real.
Well penned my dear friend.
(hugs)

[Coyote Poetry]

It is sad we hurt the people we love. Life lessons can be cold and hard. I have been part of both.
"But sometimes - certain life lessons are tougher than others.
And when you see my happiness and joy - please know it is genuine.
Without dark - there would be no light seen.
and with no light - there would be no dark. "
The above is true life wisdom. Thank you dear Kathryn for sharing the powerful poetry.
Coyote

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I've got a couple of lines which really reached out to me..

"If a bullet from a gun hit you in the leg - and you lived; you still couldn't just skip happily away"
This one here, has too much truth in it.. And I also think that you can not make someone realize the hurt that follows after being heartbroken..it's the person who 'is' broken who can really know the extent of it..

"Sometimes people say things they don't mean."
This line here.. well in my opinion, with the world so full of lies and deceit it's like always.. we don't mean what we say.. it's mostly trying to be in the good books of a person for the time being and then it gets easier to forget what you said..

"Without dark - there would be no light seen.
and with no light - there would be no dark."
This is way too true! I can not agree more..
This was a really heart-touching story.. And you have wrote it out well..
I also think that depending on others for 'our' happiness takes us nowhere except for being broken again and again..
Nicely penned!

[Kathryn Smith]

Thanks so much for this review! I appreciate it. Youre right about depending on others for happiness. Most definitely learned my lesson there. ;)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You are welcome! And we are in the same boat in learning that lesson..

[Ashwin Shanker]

I loved reading this. It is very personal story of yours that you have had the courage to write down and share. I appreciate that. It was written well too and has a great flow. The emotional pieces put down here is also beautiful. Great work man.
And hang on, your prince charming could be reading this and that man of your dreams might just find you one day through your writing.

[Kathryn Smith]

Thanks man. ;)

[wordman]

a sad write,a love gone bad,the hurt takes control
it passes through your parents,yur attitude changes to somehow hide your real feelings

[Kathryn Smith]

Thanks wordman! (I still love your name btw its so fun to say!) ;)

[Valentine]

Starts out well, Then you jump into the hurt, it might have flowed better if your Facebook experience leading you to Ireland,and the experiences there, before the... then the change in dad. Just my opinion. Valentine

[Kathryn Smith]

Thanks love :) xx I'll keep a note about that. :)