Lethargy

Lethargy got a hold of me

And I don't know how to shake it

G e t  U p

G E T       U  P

PRESSURE

p   r   e  s  s  u  r  e

Run away as fast as you can go

PAINT THE SCENE FOR ME

Paint it bright and paint it clear

I don't want to use my imagination here

DONT WANT TO USE MY IMAGINATION

Have you ever felt it?

Four walls slowly enclosing around you.

You panic and take your fist to the wall, you punch it with all your might, over and over, ...but the walls keep inching in.

Closer. Closer. Closer.

The whole room is caving in and before you know it, you're throwing your body against it.

Desperately trying to break out.

But now?

Now you're trapped.

Underneath rubble.

Underneath death.

This week I was reminded of my failure.

Of my flaws.

Of things I've done wrong.

Earlier that day, I was sexually harassed by an old man.

I was in a public place, with my friend and her mother.

My friends mother egged the man on and fed into it by calling us "love birds."

Suddenly, before I knew it, he was caressing my thigh...telling me to come with him, and that I was pretty.

It wouldn't stop.

Later I asked my friend and her mom about this man.

"He's harmless" They said.

It took me a long time to tell my parents about this encounter - I did not know what to say.

I felt dirty and gross.

Violated and confused.

Tonight my friends mother - texted my own mother.

Putting words in my mouth.

Twising the sexual harassment situation around...and bringing even more situations to my mother's attention.

She made me feel like what occurred is my fault.

She said I am too trusting.

And ending up giving me disappointed parents.

I...I...I

I am going mad.

All I hear is what is wrong.

What I've done..shouldn't do, or don't do enough of.

It's all so negative. Disheartening.

I've been told to change.

and I want to scream.

I want to cry.

I want to run away as  fast as I can go.

I desperately need to get out of here.

I need to get out of this room with four enclosing walls.

I need to get away from these people.

This town.

I need new friends and I need peace.

Some positivity.

I want to be okay.

I want to stop feeling so broken and devastated and misunderstood.

I want someone to be okay with who I am.

And most of all...

I want to stop crying.

I want to do something right.

You told me not to be like anybody else

Head spin Happiness Death

Be like anybody else

Broke down nothing else Left

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Robert Parlange]

Stand up, face it. No matter how many times life knocks you down, stand up and face it. Sure it hurts. It’s pain. But stand up and face it. Shout out to the world, “I exist. I am real. I am me.” Stand up, face it. There’s an oak tree in my front yard. It’s been there for hundreds of years. It’s twisted and broken and damaged by countless hurricanes, but it’s still there. It will probably be there after I’m gone. Life is a battle. It’s a war. Stand up, face it.

"The only glory in war is surviving."
Samuel Fuller, THE BIG RED ONE