Shadows

It is finally September. The dreaded cold that everyone is looking forward to will make it's arrival. Before I know it, the leaves will bleed to different colors and fall off the trees.

Other leaves will die but cling on to the branches for their very lives. 

To our surprise, they will stay on the trees all through winter.

Lately I've been coming to terms with and am in the process of  letting go of a toxic friend. 

These past few months have been months I would love to forget.

As far as emotions go, these have been some of the most painful months of my life.

Never in my life have I been so sad for such a long period of time.

There are moments when I feel as though I've been cut in half.

I slump down in my bed with a lump in my throat and plead with my brain.

Let me be free. Let me go. It's been nearly 3 months. All I desperately want is to feel happy again.

I am slowly pulling through.

Summer is my favorite season.

Tonight I slipped outside in the dark barefoot.

This is my most favorite thing to do in the summer.

Walking down the cool pavement under a brilliant star lit sky, gives you the best feeling in the world.

I walk down the driveway and make my way down the road.

The gypsy in my bones gets a thrill from the feeling of the ground beneath my feet.

Eventually my walk turns to a canter and I run free down my ghost town street. 

The sepia street lights shine and the crickets sing as if they're performing their very own concert all together.

House lights dot my view and the wind tickles my skin. 

Tonight wasn't like most summer nights. 

It was different. 

I have been feeling unbearably small and weak lately, but my shadow on the driveway caught my eye.

It was enormous! I had never seen my shadow so mighty before.

As I slowly paced down the driveway it stretched.

To my delight I was taller than the driveway!

Soon enough there were two shadows.

And then I began to think:

I began to think of the old Kathryn.

The "happy go lucky, nothing can stop me,  everything will be okay, I am awesome" Kathryn.

The girl who ran through the forest.

The one who makes everyone laugh.

That person who had a heart as big as a castle.

God. I missed her!

This summer I do believe my light was killed off.

But as I gazed at my second shadow, I realized she never truly died.

She was still somewhere inside of me. All I had to do was find her again.

I've been told I've made the world a brighter and better place.

The world without my old self has been an awfully dark and hopeless world, and I no longer want to be in that world.

I'm on my way to finding myself again...all thanks to my shadow.

I've picked myself up before - no one ever said it was easy but I did it.

And I will damn well do it again.

When the day comes, when Kathryn is back - My light will be blinding, and I will be a force to be reckoned with. A force as strong as a hurricane.

In my thoughts you're far away

And you are whistling a melody

Crystalizing clear as day

I can picture you so easily

What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?

What's going to be left of the world?

Author's Note

Reviews

[Nwang]

Its hard loosing a close friend.So don't loose heart.

[dan]

Kathryn, Losing a friend (does your use of the word TOXIC indicate a drug overdose?) is always tragic, especially a close friend, which this sounds like it was. One labors through the five stages of grief, yours seems to be taking longer than the norm and for that I am deeply sorry. Your write allows your emotions to flow freely, which is therapeutic in and of itself. I hope you can move past this. And summer still has about 4 or 5 days left!
Just to let you know, I am back after about 2 months. I had a slight heart attack and a slight stroke. On the mend and waiting for my wife to get home. She is also hospitalized. Hey, did you go to Ireland? How was it? Well gotta go, great write! take care...dan

[Coyote Poetry]

Life take us to sad and happy places. If we are lucky. More happy places.
"Summer is my favorite season.
Tonight I slipped outside in the dark barefoot.
This is my most favorite thing to do in the summer. "
We need more Summer days and barefoot walking on the sand of a quiet beach. Thank you dear friend for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Fahmida Mehreen]

Life goes on about its own way but every once in a while our mind flies back to the album of memories. That is where you will always find your dear ones, and yourself too.

I felt raw emotions in your words. "I've picked myself up before - no one ever said it was easy but I did it." - my heart skipped a beat here because I saw myself in exact same state.

Life shall go on and and you shall rise above all and shine. :)

[wordman]

she will always be near,and dear to your heart