Hold on Tight P1

Hope is taking it's time to go my way
But I don't take my life for granted
I'm going to hold on tight to what I've been handed

I'll try not to complain about the things I have lost

When you have something great
That just means there's a greater loss
 

So when you look at yourself
 

Tell me who do you see?
 

Is it the person you've been?
 

Or the person you're going be?

I woke up this morning hearing my sister who is visiting and my parents conversing loudly right below my bedroom.

I rolled over in my sheets with eyes open.

Then the footsteps of my father came up the stairs, they walked down the hallway multiple times.

Then I heard my sister clunking around in the bathroom.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes, my stomach rumbled.

Maybe they were going out for breakfast!

I got out of bed and got dressed, I scampered downstairs but there was no one to be found.

Where DID they go? Maybe they went shopping.

I searched for a note on the table.

There was nothing.

I ran to my phone. Sometimes I got a text from my mom asking if I wanted to join them for breakfast. Maybe I could drive to meet them!

Nothing on my phone.

I sank down onto the couch and buried my face in my hands.

My family totally just went out for breakfast without me.

And this wasn't the first time.

Usually there would be a knock on my door, or at least an invitation..

but there was nothing.

Nothing at all.

When we're all together, I try my best to be heard..but it's hard to get a word in.

It's hard to be taken seriously.

I speak of my passions and loves but I get rolled eyes and changes of subjects.

I somehow offend everyone without meaning to, and for most of my life I've felt like a ghost.

My sister hates my birth story.

She is full of pride and loves me very much, but isn't the nicest at times.

She is a bully at times.

My brother? He never talks to me. Ever.

But he'll talk the ear off my sister.

I have a lump in my throat writing this.

We were closer when we were younger, but what on earth happened to us?

Eventually my family came home.

They went out for breakfast, and got me a turkey roll.

It was very nice, but I joked saying: Thanks for the invite!

My mother lashed out to me and said she knows what I'm like in the morning.

I'm noticing a pattern.

Labels. Words in my mouth.

They think I am someone I am not.

 

As far as my siblings and I go, my mother says we all have very different personalities.

But what I truly wish is, we could all come together and see eye to eye for once.

I've always felt the need to impress my brother and sister.

To be good enough.

To get approval.

Someday I'll get there.

and one day I'll be equal in my family.

All I want, more than anything...

Is to be respected.

I long for  the day when words aren't put in my mouth or twisted around.

It has been a rough summer.

and even though my life has not been unfolding as smoothly as I thought it would, I will never take my life for granted.

Because who knows when it will be all over?

Time to keep trekking on.

All this pain only makes you a unstoppable.