Hello, my name is....

Open up your eyes

There's nothing on my body left to see

I tried a thousand times

I tried to say I love you but you didn't hear me

and you're passive aggressive

If you would've let me grow

you could've kept my love

and we were so depressive  

Hello, my name is Kathryn.

And I am in the process of picking up the pieces after an emotional abusive relationship.

Imagine being told endlessly over and over for well over a year that you're beautiful.

Genuinely Wanted. That you meant something to someone.

Then imagine meeting them and being cut out. Listened to, but no love shown.

Just like that. In the blink of an eye.

You weren't loved.

You weren't wanted. Maybe you never really were.

You were led on by someone who in the end couldn't love himself, so therefore refused to love you.

You felt ugly. Diseased. Betrayed.

You were shut out after being promised the world.

After being told you could trust him.

and now here you are.

Lost. Battered. Bruised. Broken.

What does a girl do?

She keeps looking.

I went to a friends place the other day. A friend I had a crush on for a long time. Let's call him Ian.

Imagine that Ian invited you over to his place, talked for a while and then turned on the television. He let you pick out a movie.

Suddenly Ian's hands were all over you.

His mouth. His lips. His body.

And just like that.

He wants you.

And he wants you NOW.

And you're completely thrown off guard.

Because you did not sign up for this...

My name is Kathryn and I do not hookup.

I do not just casually make love to someone who I am hanging out with for the first time.

My name is Kathryn and I've figured out what I really want.

Before anything, I want to go out on a real date.

I want a real MAN.

Someone who has their s**t together.

Who isn't afraid of commitment.

I want a handsome man who loves to write.

Who loves to draw and read.

I want an intelligent man with a sense of humour.

Maturity.

Someone who likes to drink but not too much.

I want a man who has more books than video games.

and I want a man who is cultured.

Who writes me back.

Who fulfills his promises.

I want someone who is a complete goofball.

I want a man who is good with children.

All in all, I just want to be treated like a woman for once.

I want to feel like an adult.

More than anything now.

I want truth.

and I want respect.

My name is Kathryn,

and after being burned I have become a warrior. Someone who will never tolerate anyone's games again. I am a Goddess who will make sure I am a priority and never a second thought or an option.

I am going to give up on love for a while and focus on myself.

I know he's out there somewhere.

God only knows where but I'll find him eventually.

The first day I find out what it's like to be treated the right way,

Is a day I will treasure forever.

Author's Note

Reviews

[PoeticSorcery]

real men are hard to find, if at all. I've met a few girls who go through s**t with boys, not to discount your pain, just trying to let you know you're not alone in this. hopefully one day you'll find one, hopefully there will be more men than boys in the future, but I doubt it...

[Lorry]

I think you summed it up perfectly in this line..."You were led on by someone who in the end couldn't love himself, so therefore refused to love you." The more books than video games kinda sums it up too. Nothing like taking second place to "hobbies", for want of a better word.
I am going to save this and use it as a tick list to see how I score from a womans point of view. I would let you know the results, but you would only send me to the remedial class :)
You sum up completely what growth is. You have and are achieving this, yet are only beginning to discover that not everyone puts in the same effort to others, which kind of goes to show that they weren't the one in the first place. People do say that when you come to the decision to stop looking, that is when they find you. It sounds like a thing a mother would say to make you feel better, but it somehow always seems to work.
Beautifully written. For all the negatives you somehow manage to keep the feeling positive in your words. Goddess like. :)

[Chris]

You're a woman to share a path with - to walk beside, not in front of OR behind. You take your time and catch a breath, find your balance and be the woman you are.

Nice meeting YOU Kathryn.