Smile

Saw them roll their eyes at me every time that I thought that I was cool

I will work this body

I will burn this flame

In the dead of night in the pouring rain

On some Sunday when it's my face in the newspaper again

All the rag magazines

Black limousines

They'll be getting in line

It's just a matter of time

I've always loved the camera.

As a child I was extremely photogenic, and I still am.

I enjoy getting my picture taken, and I love photography in general.  

When I was 10 I was chosen to model for a hospital brochure.

And at the moment I have a photographer wanting to have a photo shoot with me.

The reason why I enjoy pictures so much is because they are solid memories.

And when we die, they'll keep us alive.

We can only hold so much in our brains, and as life whizzes by it's easy to forget special moments....so all the more reason to use a camera!

To me pictures are a form of art.

To others it means I'm a narcissist.

"You're vain!"

"Selfish!"

"So full of yourself!!"

I'm tired of being called out for someone I am not. Quite frankly it hurts. 

So I am here to set the record straight once and for all.

Yes, there are days I feel I am blessed with good looks, and I try to be confident, but under my smiles is still a bit of insecurity.  

As a little girl I was often bullied and called ugly on a regular basis.  

And as I grew into a teenager I was constantly told to straighten my hair because it was ugly as well.

When you're told you're hideous more than beautiful for so many years, those comments begin to stick to you inside.

They stick to you so much that you begin to believe it.

I now know that being ugly isn't in your looks.

Being ugly is being a low person.

I believe we are all beautiful, and I would never flaunt good looks.  

A true narcissist is the last beautiful thing on earth.

There is no class and no elegance in arrogance.

If you rub your appeal in other people's faces, it only makes you trashy.

On the other side, I've learned if you constantly downgrade yourself and never take compliments, people think you have low self esteem issues.

There is a healthy in-between you must have.

At 18, a car crash sliced my confidence and self esteem in two.

Now at 23 I am just beginning to feel pretty again. I still struggle with paranoia about my eye and the way it looks, but I'm finally just coming to terms with it.

It took a very long time to build myself up again but having people call me a narcissist doesn't help.

My mother recently told me that multiple relatives of mine think I have no life.

I apparently post too much on Facebook.

It's all about me, me, me!

It's a punch in the stomach.

I do have a life.

I'm teaching and going to school.

What if I enjoy connecting with people?

What if some of my friends live across the Atlantic ocean?

What if my favorite thing is to make others laugh?

What if those "likes" make me giddy?

I genuinely enjoy entertaining people and giving off a positive vibe.

This world needs more of it.

I'm not saying I rely on validation, but sometimes it's nice to have it around.

One day I hope people will realize I'm just a normal girl trying to live her life.

I'm going to show my face whether they like it or not.

I'm going to smile for the camera and I'm going to blow the world away with some art.

And when I'm dead and gone, perhaps these pictures will be appreciated.

I challenge you to love your image.

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

You are beautiful and the photos are beautiful too. I love photos. My photos of the old days with old faces missed and gone are my gold in old age. I take photos daily of children, grandchildren and very few of me. Thank you dear friend for sharing the story.
Coyote

[dan]

I'm not very handy with a camera. I have one in my TracFone but am not very good at using it. If I take a photo I don't know how to upload it from my camera to my computer. The only way I know how is to email it to myself.
I also hate to have my picture taken, I feel ugly and pitiful. I only have about 7 pics of myself in my computer. To me that's too many.
I'm not knocking you for your love of photography or your desire to have pics of yourself, many. I am glad it makes you happy. It's not narcissistic, just confidence in your self. Nothing wrong with that. You've expressed your feelings very well in this write. Very nicely done. take care...dan

[Philip Muls]

Do what you need to do and do not look back. Do not doubt yourself because of cheap remarks. Follow your line, you seem to have it figured out.

[ThePastelPrince]

Your writing is beautiful and it honestly made me tear up. And also, you are absolutley stunning. Please continue writing and posing for those photos.

-- The Prince

[JerryB]

Unless you are a cold-bloodied murder who sheds blood just to see the blood, you are one cool kitty and love yourself. What the f**k is wrong with that? It means you enjoy your body and even the eye which was rearranged by the car crash, it is still YOU . . . I think you have learned to deal with the new look. I like this poem. I like you for writing it.

[Davidgeo]

Hello narcissist!!! Don't be ashamed of it but don't for a second forget it. It's only bad if you are oblivious to it.

[Brad P]

First off, you're beautiful, so don't let anyone tell you any different. Secondly, this was wonderfully written (as always). I love the honesty and intensity of your feelings. I could feel the hurt you felt when people called you ugly, and I think many people can relate and benefit from this. Thanks for sharing, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

[samparks,sam]

so nice poem with all feeling as I like

[B J Hughes]

Well just who the merry f**k do they think they are to tell you how you should be and how to live your life?? Judging from your words, I think you have a healthy self-image and that alone will draw a lot of empty criticism. Don't listen to them. Go for it baby girl. Grab it and GROWL!!!

[wordman]

you go for it girl,you look great ! and they are great memories