Fly

I came to win

             To fight

                        To conquer

  To thrive

               I came to win

                             To survive

 

                      To prosper

                                  To rise

To Fly

I could feel my mother seething with annoyance.

It's your brother and sister's birthday! There's no reason you shouldn't get them a card!

I decided to be a good girl like every year and get them a card. After all it IS their birthday and they do deserve a birthday card.

Everyone deserves a birthday card on their birthday.

Everyone but me.

I have not gotten a birthday card from neither my brother or sister in two years.

I always get them one.

It stung a bit buying them their cards...but I want to be a good sister!

Sometimes I do feel like a drain on my family.

I think my birth really did affect my siblings.

I almost feel guilty.

and I know I shouldn't..and I am probably over thinking things...

My mother always seems crabby on birthdays for some odd reason.

I'm not sure why.

On my 21st Birthday, in Ireland she got angry with my Father for buying me shamrock earrings. She snatched the bag from me and made me wait until later.

My sister and brother are very close.

They get along really well!

I get a long with my sister really well but lately I can feel her floating away.

She called and I talked to her. She didn't have much to say..and it was all very awkward. She seemed a little sad.

The silence was so unbearably loud.

When we are all together my brother and sister talk each other's ears off. My mother has my father...and then there is me.

Just me.

I can sit through an entire dinner observing.

I can go through an entire meal without a word spoken to me by anyone.

If I want to be in a conversation I have to start it...and it never lasts long at all.

Observing can teach you quite a bit.

I feel like I have to jump up and down waving my hands to be heard or liked by them.

Like I have to impress them.

I want them to think I'm cool!

Maybe this is a "youngest child of the family" thing.

My brother doesn't say much to me.

He is moving to Brooklyn, New York soon. I am going to miss him. He's a good guy...but every day he looks straight through me.  

What happened to my siblings?

Why are we becoming so distant?

Is it me?

Is it our ages?

I told my mother about how my brother never speaks to me much and how weird it is.

She scoffed and said it's both our faults.

That he is 26 and focused on other things.

Other things?

Family should matter too!

I just don't know what to say around him.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I love my family and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

I just wish we could become closer.

Steven and Carolyn-

I hope you have an amazing birthday. I hope all your wishes come true! I also hope in the future our children are close and we are even closer.

Love

your baby sister