A Shot In The Dark

While waiting for a reply I took on the French language on an amazing website called doulingo.

If I was going to return I wanted to be more fluent. It helped that my sister could teach me, and I also happened to have a friend who recently became a French teacher. (I had always wondered why I befriended her, and now I know why she is in my life.)  

Time is an interesting thing. It can heal and it can rip us into little pieces all at the same time. What do you do? Take the agony or take the excitement? I tried to take the excitement but after a while everything just got weaker.  

The hours turned into days.

The days turned to weeks

The weeks turned into months.

I never got a reply.

Now we are back to that first question:

“What If?”

What if that letter never made it to the hotel?

What if that letter got to the hotel and was tossed aside into a drawer?

What if he got my letter, replied to my email I gave him, but I never got it or accidentally deleted it?

If he did get my letter…what did he think?

His name was never on the front of the package, so it would've been easy to misplace it.

I am never going to know. Maybe one day I will.

Those "What ifs" do not matter. All I know is I am glad I gave him the first postcard. I’ll never forget how touched he was.

Some people tell me this is not the end…that one day I’ll be back in Paris and it’s going to all fall into place. They are all so heartbreakingly certain.

For a while I tried to pry every memory out of my brain, but everywhere I turned Paris followed me home. It was in stores, in restaurants,  in music, on television, and even in the people I met. I couldn’t run and I couldn't hide either.

Our picture is hanging up in my room in a big collage. Sometimes it hurts to look at it. It haunts me. Other times it makes me smile. Mostly it’s just a reminder that life is short and we should take chances.

I often think I was a very stupid, love struck girl who was swallowed alive by the city…but when I show anyone the picture of us, they all disagree.

They say you can see the happiness and joy not only in my eyes but in his eyes too. If I close my own eyes and remember everything that happened, I can hear it in the silence. I can feel it on my way home. I can see it with the lights out…when a human being encounters love. You can't forget it.  

As I warned you in the beginning, this story doesn’t have an ending. It was a lesson.

I learned you should never belittle yourself. That you should always listen to your heart. Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes our fears are just what we need. I learned that the impossible is actually quite possible.

Lastly I discovered not getting a response might be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

If I had gotten a response, this book would not exist.

I know there will be an ending to this lesson. I can sense it.  For all I know there is a man with curious green eyes in a suit. He is sitting behind the front desk, in a cozy hotel in Paris.

The lobby is empty. It's late at night. There is a postcard pinned up on a wall behind him. He looks at it every day. His eyes are now transfixed on the door in front of him. 

After all.

There's a girl who said she'd return.

And they both know she will.

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Alucard6336]

I read the whole book. Ca va? Es tre manfique! ( in probably botched that. How are you? Is very wonderful is what i tried to say )

The most I have done in my life is right the army of demons within my soul. I read that you are afraid of death, and some of the customs there in France

However, I an not afraid of anything. If you, Kat, or anyone else on this world was in danger, I would give my everything to protect them. that's my mantra.

[Richard🖌]

"I never got a reply."

This is the sweetest, saddest, most heart-turning, eye-welling "if" love story I ever saw, heard about, or read.

You are a legitimately enthralling and captivating writer, Kathryn … thank you for sharing You! ⁓ Richard

[Kathryn Smith]

Thank you for the reviews! I'll never know if he got it, or what happened, but I'm just happy our paths crossed. :)

[Richard🖌]

I am happy for you, too, Kathryn,
We need our fantasies, feelings, and emotions to keep our hearts warm and beating with the dreams and magical wonders of love.

Thank you ever-so warmly and gratefully for commenting on all my reviews and for sharing your marvelous story with me … I sincerely enjoyed it, and your beautiful style of writing, as-well.

Sometime, when you've the time, please drop by and read some of my poetry, Kathryn, I would love sharing with You … warmest hugs! ⁓ Richard

[Kathryn Smith]

Thank you very much! xo I will be sure to read some of your stuff. Out of curiosity what do you think of the picture?? :)

[Richard🖌]

Two very happy people, caressed by each other's feel and aura, Kathryn … makes my insides literally dance!

[Kathryn Smith]

Good. It's not all in my head then. Thanks! xo

[Richard🖌]

No, it's not all in your head, it's in your tender heart.
You are so very welcome, and I thank you for sharing your wonderful love, Kathryn! ⁓ Richard x0x