The Streamers

Its not your typical fishing story you'd want to share with your kids someday :]

            “I think I got one!” Bill exclaimed as he began reeling in his fishing line, the rod bending from oppositional force beneath the dark waters.

            “Take it easy, man,” George said. “The line might break.”

            “Nah, I got this all under control.” Just as the words left Bill’s mouth, the line snapped and he cursed at himself. George glanced behind him to find his friend sulking on the other side of the boat, patting his back before handing him another fishing pole.

            “It happens, Bill. You just have to be steady when reeling her in; we’re not dealing with fish here. Now get some bait and try again.”

            As George went back to his fishing, Bill pulled out a small kitten from the bait box— that was filled with twelve more; cute and meowing away— and tide it securely onto his line with a large hook dangling from a small collar before finally casting it out into the lake; the kitten splashed and squirmed helplessly in the water, yowling as it dogpaddled towards the boat. From the corner of his eye he saw something leap out of the water and splash back in, too quick to see what it actually was at first. When it leapt out again, Bill looked directly at it and saw that it was a large streamer— as what the townsfolk came to call the species— a strange humanoid amphibian with canine features; a long dog-like snout with large jaws lined with sharp teeth, short and stubby arms and legs with webbed fingers and toes (completely useless on land, but aids itself to move quicker through water), and a long and flat tail used to propel itself out of the water like Bill had witnessed before. When the streamer disappeared under the water again, he sat quietly and waited for the expected pull on his line.

            The kitten, nearing the boat now, gave one last meow for help before something large swooped up from below and dragged the poor critter down the dark and watery abyss. Steadily Bill reeled it in, firmly gripping his fishing pole as the pull from the streamer proved to be strong. Out the strange creature flopped, the large hook deeply imbedded in its bottom jaw. Its loud and shrieking cries made ducks take flight with a horde of birds storming out like a massive black cloud from the treetops, and even the deer wandering to the shoreline of the lake to get a drink sped madly with fright. George watched the whole thing; rooting and telling Bill not to let go, and both men excitedly screamed as he finally reeled the streamer up and out of the water. Violently it shook and wiggled in the air, its large tail slapping George in the face and knocked him out of the boat when he leaned in too close.

            “Oh, this one’s feisty alright,” he said, climbing back into the boat and helped Bill wrestle the creature down. It took five minutes to bind its mouth shut and blindfold, calming down as the men measured its length, being two and a half feet long. An average-sized streamer was a foot long, so it was a surprise to Bill and George that this one was so large.

Author's Note

This is still a work-in-progress piece, so this isn't the end.

Would like some feedback, though.

Oh, and yes...I feel awful for making a cute kitten get eaten by the streamer XD

Not gonna change it though since it helps make the readers upset and see how evil the sea creatures are for having kittens as their only diet >:D [insert wicked laughter]

Reviews

[Greg Close]

I love the kitten-bait. Horrible, but really does convey both the primal nature of the creatures and the detached sort of cruelty that humans are so practiced at. Who is worse, the creature just eating something cute to survive (most predators do that) or the sentient beings who choose to toss helpless little furballs into the water to catch their prey (and maybe their profit). Love that bit. Although, really - messing with a wet cat, cute or not, should not be taken lightly. Maybe you should put a disclaimer on the story to protect young children from "trying this at home" :)

One piece of advice is to kill some descriptive words. Not because the word is bad, but because sometimes it burdens the sentence. For example, in the first sentence the rod is described as bending from "oppositional" force. I think you could ditch oppositional - just by describing the rod bending into the water, the reader knows that there is an oppositional force there. I'd just save those kinds of descriptors for the place where they'll have the most impact. That's just me.

I have to admit, I am extremely curious about these screamers and how they fit in with the reality you've created!

[The Message]

I'd like to here the rest of the story, what you have here is a great beginning. The nearly apathetic demeanor of the humans (Not to mention their nonchalant cruelty concerning the kittens) is borderline surreal, yet remains highly plausible. Keep me posted?

[Twilight]

So far as it goes, this is quite good (and interesting to read). Your creatures reminded me a little of beavers, actually! Anyway, the dialogue of the fishermen seems appropriate, in view of the scenario. Now, I did wonder why the water is said to be "dark"? Is it simply deep, murky or does this scene take place at night?

You used the word "horde", in your reference to the birds. Birds can only "flock" or gather. Staying with the theme, a group of geese can be called a "gaggle". But, I digress! Also, perhaps I am showing my age or lack of awareness regarding American English? Either way, I remain interested in what happens next!

Lastly, what curious creatures you have created! Therefore, a bit more about their background might help to make this story even more interesting? Are they some form of hybrid, perhaps? A promising start to your tale!