Whatever happened?

 

         

 

Whatever happened to the love we shared?

I thought you cared about me

Can’t you see?

I need you, more then you will ever know

But you left.

So whatever happened to you saying you would be there?

To care for me.

You said you would be the one to love me.

The one to hold me, the one to show me the way.

I woke up one morning and realized you never care.

That hurt, more then fire.

Fire can burn but you leaving me burned even more,

It burnt a hole in my heart, because I thought you would never part from me.

But you will never see how much I need you.

Reviews

[Gregory Hill]

Ok another good one showing emotions and such, but it needs to flow better. For the first 2 lines you should make cared be at the end, example:

What happened to the love we shared?
Yes, I always thought you cared
or
I always though you really cared

Many way to do it.

Next go and make the smaller lines longer and longer ones a little shorter. If flows much better this way. Again, great emotion but you need to let the writing flow for the reader before they can truly experience it.