February 13, 2010

Remembering my gram

None of us could handle the impending doom about to befall our family
Constant vigils kept over her dying body
She couldn't talk
She couldn't respond to anything
The slightest move triggers her seizures
Her eyes were dazed
Staring up at the right hand corner of the ceiling
As she spent her last hours with labored breathing
My aunt hides on the stair case, thinking I can't hear her
But she cries uncontrollable tears
The doctor said once that she might not make it the weekend of my birthday
But she did
It was the weeks after
When she came to the end
I couldn't handle staying with her
Less having my own nervous breakdown
I was the strength of the family
Brave faced while everyone cried
I couldn't cry
I couldn't show that emotion
When they told me she died the next morning
I said "Oh" then went upstairs to see her one last time
Her eyes were open, I closed them
Her mouth was open, was kinda stuck like that
I lay there on her ice cold corpse
Speaking to her one last time
Telling her I loved her
And that I'd miss her
I stayed there til they came to take her away
I watched them wrap her body in her sheets,
Place her inside the body bag
Wheeled her downstairs
I never cried
I couldn't cry
To this day I haven't cried.
Does that mean something's wrong with me?

Reviews

[Kristin Lee]

So very sad, laden with raw emotion, and incredibly touching.
When you say,

"I never cried
I couldn't cry
To this day I haven't cried.
Does that mean something's wrong with me?"

As someone who witnessed death as a child, this poem hits home. Well done.