The Dream- Part 2 "Confusion"

Part 2 of my dream

That phone call took everything out of me. Going frantic, searching for my voice. And then you told me of the unthinkable. I know I overreact a lot...okay all the time... but what happened the other night gave me a nervous breakdown...so I freaked..when you called I got so mad! Another hurtful insult after the first one. I mean you have no idea how deep that one cut me; the first time I didn't say anything of it and I was fine with that but the second time REALLY ground my bones; and you know if I feel like you're disrespecting me then I have to say something about it. Then you got mad again and we left on another bad note and I went back to making my breakfast, but then you called ''out of courtesy'' you said you wanted us to forget all the bad things we said to each other n be cool. Obviously that's all I wanted from you was to just stop insulting me like that; you said you always hated it when I cry. "No hard feelings?" No, no hard feelings. None whatsoever. I decide to not call back til after the mourning process is over. He doesn't know that's what I planned.

I fall asleep for 5 minutes because the power's out and I'm f*****g bored; my phone rings...its his grandma...why is she calling...how she get my number...and where are you in all of this? She asks for a favor...a secret unexpected visit 2mrw to get you...to let out your pain. But why me? What can I do? She's seen us together and she knows what I have to say may get through to him? Reluctantly I agree to TRY. Today's the day; the day I attempt to reach out to my ex-boyfriend who's bottling up his grief and all the pain he feels right now. He has no idea that I'm here. Opens his eyes to see a familiar face that he used to love, confusion in his eyes, anger in his heart. I tell him my motive for being there. Both our eyes lock on the 80 year old woman at the dining table. So she motions me to take him to his room...to attempt to bring out what's been bottled for so long.

''I know how you're feeling. I know. You were there when I went through it. I know the hurt you feel, the anger inside because he's gone. He left you, you can never see him again and it burns you beyond belief. I know; that's why I'm here. Let everything go...tell him how much you hate him for leaving this earth, tell him how much pain he's caused you. Let him know how RAW you feel. Tell him everything. Now; push it; give it everything you have. You have to let it go.'' I think I'm getting through to him. He's breaking down...gotta keep pushing him. "Come on, show me how much pain you've held inside for so long; show me everything. Don't hold anything back, I know how raw you can be...show it to me. Tell the whole world how much its fucked you over. Do it!" Finally he lifts the old TV from his dresser, raises it over his head and throws it at the door. Collapses into my arms...all I can do is hold him. That's all I wanna do. I hold him; and I let him cry; I say nothing, do nothing else but hold on to him. Try to comfort him even just a little bit. Console. Soothe. "Shh its okay baby I'm here. Let it out, just let everything out. That's it'' He screams "WHY!!!! WHY HIM?! TELL ME WHY IT HAS TO BE HIM!!"

There's not much I can say to give him an answer. He wipes his tears, helps me stand up...and then he slaps me across the face. My braids stringing along my cheek. I say nothing. Do nothing. He's angry and he needs to let it out so I say "its okay...keep going, let it out'' He hits me again; my lip bleeds, doesn't matter to me. I let him go on. I show no pain but the state of my body as in onslaught continues takes its toll and I fall to the floor. He's still hitting me across the face; he stops suddenly, staring at the tears falling from my eyes. I slowly get up to eye level with him. My left eye is squinted because its so swollen. "Oh my god I'm so sorry!!" he cries. "No don't be, this is your release'' He slams his hand across my mouth to silence me. ''Shut up b***h. Just be quiet'' Pinning my wrists to the ground with one hand; unbuttoning my belt with the other. I close my eyes, confused as I am...I know this is what I want. But my body is beyond weak. Thrusting himself inside me, he looks me deep in the eye and asks if it hurts. Hell no are you crazy? I'm saying to myself. I let him continue. Harder and harder until a soft moan exits my swollen lips. I feel the brush of his lips cover mine with such care because they're so tender at the moment. He's pushing us both to the point of no return. Realizing he has so much of his weight pinning on my wrists, he releases them and as a reflex my nails dig deep into his skin. I feel something fall on my shoulder...a tear, he's crying again, he's doing all this to release his frustrations. I gently stroke his wounds, the ones I caused. He looks at me "Tell me you're mine! Now!!" I'm confused again. "You gave me up'' "SAY IT NOW!!" He thrust so hard it hurt me deep. F*****g me into submission he said he always wanted to do that "I-I'm yours'' I stutter hesitantly. "LOUDER! I want everyone in this f*****g house to hear you!!"

Oh my god he's turned into a caveman...such a turn on. "I'M YOURS! ALL YOURS OH MY GOD I'M ALL YOURS!!" and in that same breath; I let out such a scream it hurt both of us...I feel my body convulse as I reach my climax...hyperventilating and then he..he explodes with the same movement I made....only all over the rug...as per usual I hold him up as his body spasms out of control. I've finally got into him. Made him let go of all that pent up rage...something I set out to do the day I found out about it. I succeeded...not as his girlfriend, not even as his ex-girlfriend...but as the person who cares for him no matter what.