The Dream- Part 1 "Break"

part 1 of 3 of the dreams I been having about my ex-boyfriend

There I was, on the edge of the bed just sitting there, thinking of my next move: bathroom, downstairs or just lie back down? Then I feel this amazingly tingling sensation on the side of my neck. Its moving; up to my ear lobe, down to my now almost protruding collar bone and back again. Then I hear a voice "Say my name" so obviously I'm asking "Who are you?" Since my eyes were closed I didn't see when he came in but when I finally decide to look, imagine my surprise when I find out who it is. In shock I'm screaming ''WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING HERE!'' we're locked in an epic stare off before my senses tell me that this is beyond wrong no matter how much I want it. "I love you and I want us to start again" Obviously he's bullshitting me..."how much did Terry pay you to say that? Rather...what did your gram do to force you to come here because obviously someone twisted your arm" He kisses me...its just like he used to; holding the edge of my bottom lip...squeezing the arch in my back I make because he's so tall. My hands still glued to my side, still in shock, dunno what to do. "No one paid me or forced me or twisted my arm. Though Terry an Gramma did mek up to give me money to come up here'' *shrugs* Oh...right I remember that part. But why? You-you're too late... you killed the last bit of emotion I have left...when you said all those horrible things to me last night. L-love doesn't exist anymore"

"Shut up b***h! Just shut the f**k up!"
*slap* "NO YOU SHUT THE F**K UP!! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KILLED EVERY LAST *INCH* OF HOPE IN ME!! YOU PUSHED EVERYTHING AWAY!! *tearing up* I HATE, I HATE YOU!! *punching him, sobbing* I hate you!" Then as I fall back on the bed he kneels..."Scream...come on baby girl just scream...you keep saying you hate me LET ME HEAR HOW MUCH YOU HATE ME....that's it....push it, push all that hate you have for me!''
*hyperventilating* "I..I.. I can't! No...I can't do it...*moan*
I feel him holding me close.. as if we were saying goodbye once more...slowly looking up into his eyes, he's...crying. Finally I gather myself and let every ounce of my rage out in a blood-curdling, deafening scream, collapse in to his arms...crying the tears I've held inside for so long. Everything comes flowing out. Gasping for air, gripping him tightly like I used to. All my pain..all the rage I held inside for 19 years, everything bottled inside...exploded like a flooding dam...I let it all out in his arms. And then I pass out; the panic attack, he knows its coming. Grabs the cup on my bed with water and slowly makes me drink...when I finally come to....

To be continued...