Secluded Locations to Drawn Out Phone Conversations

the thing is Ricky...i love you too much to be mad at you
i felt hurt and cast aside by you
and i felt you didn't care
but now its like....i dunno
''i guess your feelings for him are that strong huh?"
sitting in the dark, crying on the phone on how bad it was
how much you cut me
the pain that no one could really understand
couldn't sleep at all last night
felt completely drained but i just couldn't fall asleep
my silent cries fill the air
i can't convince Ed that i don't care
f**k i can't even convince myself
with a tear filled ''i don't care''
neither of us can really believe
''Amanda you can't fool me or yourself that it doesn't hurt like hell, that cut you so f*****g deep''
he's right i can't bear it
''come on who you think you fooling? that's you brother. i know it hurts so bad right now''
even over the phone he sees into my soul
you know me too well
but i can't tell him that he hurt me
is it even worth mentioning
guess he kinda figured it out on his own
i don't even know if I'm still his sister
so what do i do?
write it down like i always do and hope he sees it because i don't have the balls to say it out loud
(Jon) invites me out again next week
i honestly don't wanna go because i know I'll just be the extra wheel again
(Jon) wants me to come...but i say it again with tears falling down my face
"no because i know I'll just be nothing but a nuisance''
i can't go back there
no one really wants me around
since I'm the baby of the group i get side cast
no one really feels the way they say they do about me
everyone just lies to my face
has something to say about the diabetic who won't stop cutting
the panic victim...''we have an invalid in our circle''
i never really felt welcome
just wanted to belong for once
maybe I'll just do what (Yuffy) said n go die in that ditch
hmm