I Am Broken

what purpose do i serve here? what is my true task? these questions i ask myself everyday with no answer. i find myself drifting further away from the truth. true love. i wonder what that is at times. i say i found it but then i don't know... how can i be enlightened if i can't even find the f*****g light to true enlightenment. this isn't normal and i feel trapped and alone.... lying here in the dark, wondering if I'll make it through...hoping for some relief but nothing. i feel like a broken down car.... on its last leg, no hope for repair.... but then I've always been this way. no one really noticed. i sit here trying to get rid of the pain....so i cause more pain to cancel it out... i watch tiny spots of red flow out and i think to myself ''I've broken the Wicca n reed" but with every wound...brings pleasure....in essence i feel myself betraying the goddess....wondering what will happen if... if... let me not think it

my lover... my soul mate...i call on your strength....hold on to me for i fear that i can't hold on much longer... slipping away from this earth... i wish to stay here... with you...feeling your energy...trying to make sense of everything... all i know that in my heart of hearts...that is where you reside... but i fear that my love is inadequate for you because you deserve so much better... yet you chose me. i am badly flawed my love... my past still haunts me... paranoia...the fear... oh the pain!... help me oh soul mate of mine...help me to realize your true intentions...all you want to do is help me from my injured state...still traumatized from the dark moment so long ago...still in pain...still weak...trying to re-attach myself to the feeling of love.
I AM BROKEN