ugh.

random thoughts of pain n sadness tonight.

too much has been stolen
i have no strength left to fight
love feels so much like a battlefield
my armor is weakened
i have nothing left in me
my heart is broken
the inability to defend myself angers me
nothing here but utter darkness
lost in the nothingness that controls my mind
my head throbs with the pain n realization that its all my fault
its my fault why this happened

i should have just kept my stupid mouth shut
now i made things worse
he must hate me now
but what could i do
it was literally hurting me
i had to say something
if i didnt it'd get worse
what the f**k was i supposed to do?!
i may like causing myself pain
but not for others to cause me pain
f**k this

*slices arm*
i think i keep breaking the wiccan reed
but its so addictive
oh gaia i pray for your forgiveness
ur loyal consort
is on her knees
asking for your strength
oh goddess
oh mother
i'm sorry
*slices arm again*

forgive me i beg of you
i just need to do this
i'm sorry
*slices arm once more*
the pain
i need it
need to feel it
let me suffer for my sins
i suffer now
*slices arm*
*crying painfully*
let me suffer
i feel the hurt
i feed from it

forgive me oh goddess.