How to manipulate me

Please do it right

First, Pan, why?

I do this as a test. I’ve come up with a new philosophy - I mean to live it, modify it, and give it when I feel it’s ready - a new way, perhaps, to live in our new world.

I often hear people complaining about Google tracking our search history. I’ve heard horror stories about being in gmail and having ads that match keywords in the text. I’ve heard people complaining - “Privacy!” “Freedom!” - what are we willing to give up?

Well what are we?

I think I might be willing to give up both for benefit. Privacy is only necessary in the context of intimacy, social taboos, hurt feelings, and crime and struggling power. Freedom is only important when it counters one’s will. I do not demand the right to torture kittens because I do not want it. Take away that freedom and I mind it not at all.

In turn, those unimportant privacies and freedoms can be turned to my benefit. What of the ad that tells me about new magic cards - something I actually buy? Linked me to a site on tracking - a subject I’m actually interested in? My aim is actually the same as the advertiser. We gain from each other, and if I can teach them how to successfully take my money, get my attention, earn my loyalty - I’ve actually won.

This is all assuming they’re trustworthy, and interested in long-term profit as am I. If they get me to buy something and don’t deliver, get my attention and then betray me, earn my loyalty and then lose it, I don’t win at all, but then, long term, neither will they. If they’re selling me a used car, or asking me to sign a lease there’s no need for long term.

I’m assuming that none of my friends are con men.

I assume, rather, that like advertisements, friends and I will both benefit from knowing how to make me do things. Perhaps not, if so I will learn now when I can take a hit and not later when I’ve rooted and friends cannot be abandoned. I speak only from what I know, and only in what absolutes I can conceive - but here, is how you can make me do something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Pan? Do you want watch this movie with me?” ”I don’t know - what is it?”

”Its this really boring four hour art film”

”I think I’m good, thanks.”

What now? You need to make me watch the four-hour really boring art film. At this point you could try a variety of tactics. You could whine, get angry, or guilt trip me - all wildly ineffective. (I will feel guilty, but I will also feel manipulated and refuse on those grounds.) You could try and reason with me, appeal to my higher judgment and love of art, but this again is actually unlikely to work. Once I’ve stated a viewpoint I’m unlikely to change it.

Alternately there are some tactics that will work, but won’t further your future attempts. You could blackmail me - I’ll likely do it but then try and block off every avenue of contact. You could have initially lied and said it was only a forty minute movie and it’s about renaissance nudes. I’ll go, but maybe walk out, and definitely never trust your descriptions again.

A little better you could bribe me. This would require something that I actually want, that you can actually deliver that’s actually worth it. If done correctly this will impress me with how much you actually want me to come. I’ll match my measure of how serious the request is, to what your actions show.

Better you could appeal to my emotions. Provided this isn’t the umpteenth time you’ve done this and I’ve developed immunity, I’ll factor the emotional rush into what I gain from the experience. If you can appeal to my pride or love, or savior complex I’ll come out feeling proud or loving or heroic and you’ll get what you want. Not however to be over used.

Better you could be blunt. I’m a sucker for blunt. “Look I told my parents I would bring a friend because I was hoping to bring John but he flaked and I don’t want my dad to think bad of him.” Or “I actually don’t care if you watch the movie but I need someone to be with me for a couple hours and I have to watch this for school tomorrow.”

In my head I’m doing a cost benefit analysis. What will it cost me, what will I get. In your head you’ve already done that analysis and come up positive. Your mental model of me said yes otherwise you wouldn’t have asked. Give me the whole picture and I’m about twice as likely to agree.

My actual answer also depends on a few more factors. What’s our history? If you ask a lot of me all the time I’ll weigh that negatively. If you almost never ask I’ll weigh in your favor. What happened last time? If I found a net gain greater than what I’m already doing. I’d probably have already said yes. If I had fun it’s a count in your favor.

The other reason it might be no, is because I don’t have the physical or emotional investment in me. In that initial exchange the answer instead of “what is it?” would have been, “busy, sorry.” This just quartered your chances of success. If you need something soon your best bet is blunt and a vast bribe. If its not urgent - your best bet is always going to be “when are you going to be unbusy?” I will tell you and you can ask again later. Your patience will count towards you then.

Best. Be blunt, if the answer is still no ask, “do you mind telling why?” The answer will be the same as if you asked “Why?“ - I’ll tell you - but that phrasing will keep you good for next time. If the answer is something like. “Four hours is a long time and I could be doing so many better things with my time, and John is a flake your parents are going to find out sometime.” Look for solutions and suggest them as questions. “Could you embroider while we watch the movie?” and bribe me to make up the difference. “I’ll really owe you.” Unconditional trust “I’ll owe you anything.” Will always work since my morals won’t let me cheat you, but will always allow me to ask exactly what I think it’s worth, minus a little for the token.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Language will also help you get the best deal you can. I respond better to soft voices, pleases and thankyous. I work well with questions. Pleading is acceptable, but whining isn’t. Demands are only good if you know I’ll say yes. I am actually more likely to do it, but less likely next time. I’ll factor the demand into our next bargain. If you’re asking I have power. It’s no good to break that with a demand.

I’m a sucker for reverse psychology. So long as your subtle about it, I’ll never catch on, and I’m twice as likely to initially agree. It is however very difficult to successfully pull off, and if I catch you at it you’ll never succeed again. I won’t however blame you for it or dock any points.

“Hey you don’t like stuff about art do you?”

“No, I like a lot of art.”

“But you hate really long movies?”

 “No, I don’t mind them at all.”

”Oh, well I wasn’t going to invite you but there’s this art film I’m going to and was looking for company.”

”Oh, well I might just come.”

I’m also blatantly biased - all coming down to energy exchange. If you’re physically attractive points in your favor. If you’re attractive and physically present points in your favor. If I like you points in your favor. Simply being around you gives me energy.

If you’re attractive and wearing red I’m more likely to agree.

If you’re a new friend I’ll bank on the future. If you’re an old friend I’m less likely to say yes, and I’m probably counting my initial banking against you.

If you ask and then act very understanding and unassuming when I say no, the third or fourth time I’ll say yes on principle.

If you can frame something you want me to do with you in convincing moral terms I’m more likely to agree.

If you can frame something in challenging or interesting terms I’m more likely to agree.

”There’s this movie that no one else in my class has been able to get through without falling asleep. I’m really curious if you could do it.”

If I find you're lying I won’t trust you though.

It’s a complicated system, but one that I feel can be used to its best. I lose a lot of energy dealing with ineffective manipulation. That excess energy, excess time could be put to so much better use if everyone either convinced me or didn’t, and went away when they didn’t. I hope this helps.

Whenever you try and manipulate someone always look ahead. Not tomorrow, not the next day, an entire lifetime. That’s what a friendship is worth. If you treat it as less, it will be less - and it will go entirely away.