The Monster Who Lost His Smile

A Bedtime Story for Big Kids on depression.

This story poured out of me in the middle of the night

in the midst of a deep depression.

Read it slowly, and with feeling

Try it out loud;

to a child, to a friend,

to yourself.

Mostly,

to your Self.

But first,

Introductions:

The Monster: The parts of Me I don’t accept.

The Light: How I portray myself, the Me I let people see.

The Darkness: What I feel I need to hide in order to be perfect; to be loved.

Frederick: Who I expect myself to be; my unrealistic ideal.

  

The Lost Smile: My depression.

Ed: Who I am. Who we all ARE.

…you do not need to remember these things,

the Ed in you will understand.

The Monster Who Lost His Smile

Below the light,

where darkness shines,

lived a very

SCARY

monster.

This monster,

who called himself Frederick,

(although his name

is really Ed)

never ventured out

in the light of day.

This monster,

if you were to meet him,

would surprise you

for he always

wore

a smile--

a GIANT

gum showing,

teeth glowing

grin.

Few people

recognized him

as a monster

because of this fact,

and that’s

what made him

so very,

VERY

SCARY.

This monster, Ed,

(who called himself Frederick--

for reasons

he thought

only he understood)

did not know

himself

that he was a monster.

In fact,

he believed

he was sort of

a saint.

In fact,

he believed

his constant,

giant

smile

was proof.

Poor Ed.

He lived

every sheltered day

in blackness

not knowing

who he really

was.

Poor,

poor Ed.

One dark day,

while Ed was going about his business

(the business of monsters),

a very

CURIOUS

thing happened…

His GIANT smile

fell off his face

and landed

With a PLOP!

on the ground.

It fell,

So Hard

you would have thought

it would have cracked

into a billion

tiny

pieces.

(Or at least two biggish ones.)

But it didn’t,

it just landed there

smiling up at him.

Yes,

what a curious thing.

NOW what am I to do?

pondered Ed,

standing in his shadow world

missing

a large part of his face.

He kneeled

on the hard,

cold

stones

and tried to pick

his smile

up.

But it was stuck,

Stuck tight.

It would not budge.

Frustrated,

Ed gave up

and not knowing what else to do,

Ed went on about his day.

In his world,

it being so black,

he figured no one

would notice

his smile was missing

anyway.

But soon,

he came upon

a friend

and found

he could not talk,

for Ed no longer

had a mouth.

This

IS

a problem,

realized Ed.

And then he felt

a tear

well up

in his large,

left

monster

eye.

Now this

was another

very

curious

thing.

For Ed

had never

cried before,

so he turned his head

away from his friend,

and ran home

to his windowless

rock

house

to hide.

Even in the dark

he was sure

that a friend

would sense

this tear

that felt

so much BIGGER

than it was.

Ed believed

that something

must be

very,

VERY

WRONG.

And if a monster,

(who does not know he is a monster)

cries in public,

he believes

he can NEVER

trust

himself again,

out,

below the light

where darkness shines.

At home,

by himself,

Ed, settling in a cushioned chair,

felt another tear

come into form.

What am I to do?!

he panicked

in silence

Then went

to the refrigerator

to get something to eat

(for lack of a better idea.)

Luckily,

Ed was not hungry,

because as he swung

the refrigerator door

shut,

he remembered,

sadly,

that he had

no

mouth.

And now

three tears

streamed

down

his long monster cheeks.

“I need help,” he might’ve said,

if he had

only

had a mouth,

or if he had

only

believed

that someone

could help him--

instead,

he sat down to watch TV.

Poor,

poor Ed.

Smiling,

laughing

people

flashed across the screen,

Ed could see them,

but he could not

understand

their words.

He could only

see

their happy faces

and watch

their moving mouths.

And again,

he remembered

his giant smile,

and pictured it,

STUCK

on the ground.

Suddenly,

out of nowhere,

Ed

heard

a TERRIBLE! noise.

It got louder,

and louder,

and LOUDER!

until he thought

his eardrums

would burst!

What IS that?!

Ed’s monster mind screamed,

just before

he realized

the terrible noise

was coming

from inside

of him.

Then Ed put his monster hands

over the empty spot

below his nose

(where he used to wear

his GIANT monster smile)

thinking such a noise

could come only

from a

VERY

GIANT

OPEN

MOUTH.

He pushed…

And he pushed…

And he PUSHED!

It didn’t help.

The noise continued.

About the time

Ed thought

the noise

could grow no louder…

It did.

And Ed felt

buckets

of briny tears

soaking his monster face.

“I am doomed!”

he would have said,

if he could’ve,

if he would’ve

had a mouth.

But then…

The noise changed

To the sounds

of thousands

of strong, 

sweet

voices…

And they were calling to Ed.

And Ed was listening.

And Ed’s tears

drew back

up

into his large monster eyes

as he felt

a new,

simple,

soft

smile

spread

across his face.

Then something warm

entered a spot 

at the base

of his skull

on the back

of his neck

and he spun around

to see a beam

of true light

shooting

through the peephole

in his boulder front door.

Ed ran forward

and rolled the door open

to see the land

where darkness shines

ALL LIT UP

and millions of monsters

standing,

dumbfounded,

GIANT smiles upon their faces.

One monster

stood out

she was kneeling,

her back to him,

staring down

at the stone walkway

just

in front

of his house.

Ed went to her,

kneeled beside her,

gazed

at her smile

upon the ground.

Then took her chin

In a gentle monster hand

and looked deep

into her teary eyes and said,

“My name is Fred…

“My name is Fr…”

he paused,

“My name…

My name is ED!” he said.

And he put

a fresh

understanding arm

around her,

and he hugged her…

as she

experienced

her

very

first

tear.

The End…

And The Beginning…

Author's Note

I know this looks like a children's story. It's not.