Three Stars in My Sky

A Chapter by PSGriffin

Unrequited Love at it's best.

12/21/2014-

What defines my life, if you were to ask me, is the existence of a boy. A single male in a sea of millions, and he is not necessarily someone I would consider the best at anything. His nose was too large. He lacked any motive to lose weight, especially with me. I will save him from the flashing lights and deem him anonymous.

More or less than three years ago, I was put in an art class as a rather attractive freshmen. I excelled against all the others, who had either little talent or saw it as a free period. I sat in the back, and stayed quiet because I had come to realize that my peers had grown tails and jumped from tree to tree eating bananas. I wanted nothing to do with them.

Then came along this boy. This single male in a sea of millions who I could read easier than anything. He'd come in late to the class, sat next to the very talkative and pretty girl in the front. After being scolded multiple times for leaving banana peels on the ground or super gluing his tail to the table, this monkey with a rather fat nose was moved back to the seat next to mine. I saw it as a punishment, while he saw it as an opportunity. Given that he would be forced to make conversation with me, about the assignment. He noticed I dressed well, and was very talented. Not to be overly confident, but who wouldn't be interested in me. Something clicked when he saw me, and I was never too stupid to realize this sort of thing. He matched the pieces together after a while and noticed I didn't care for him, not in the least bit. Though, then when I noticed his inability to create anything creative, I took pity on him and we worked together on a majority of assignments.

Inevitably, we started conversation. This then turned into a routine, it was the highlight of my day coming into that class and sitting next to this tall monkey with a large nose. It was not fake either, he genuinely wanted to know about my life. He wanted to know about my love for horses, and how that never worked because my family was financially unstable. He wanted to know about my mom, and my trips to Thailand and how I had never had a conversation with my Thai grandma because we spoke entirely different languages. This monkey was slowly beginning to lose his tail, but only for me and this was also very unusual.

Conversation grew deeper, and he became my best friend. He had hair cut right across his forehead that laid down over light grey-blue eyes. A very round face, quiet fat. Strong arms, thick legs, large hands and very pretty fingernails that I always noticed for some odd reason. He had pursed pink lips, and bags under his eyes no matter how much sleep he had. He was half french, and moved to California after his parents divorced. He told me "They never told me why really, it just happened". This always bothered me and made me angry.

Many months later, I invited him to visit Idyllwild with me, my Mom and some wacky friends of hers. We spent a large time alone taking hikes, taking pictures, and picking apples together. Something beautiful clicked, and after attempting to finish homework in the lower level of the cabin, we laid down next to one another. I gave him a perfect kiss on his lips, and that was the end of that. It felt right, to fall in love with someone who knew you so well. Someone you had already spilled your heart out to, someone who truly listened to all that you had to say. One night, we walked out to see the stars and fancied Orions Belt and Sirius, the brightest star in the sky.

After that trip I ignored what had happened like it was nothing, and because I had just walked out of a relationship, I felt I had no business putting any effort into a new one just to be shot down again. I thought of love as a win-loss situation, where the odds are against you. Either he's it, or he's not. If he's not, whats the point.

I told him after it had happened that it didn't mean anything, and this was not only the oldest phrase in the book but it was also not like me. I didn't know if I had done the right thing or if I hadn't. I had no feelings to back me up because I also was not sure what I was feeling. Though of course, after more and more deep conversations following that kiss I gave in and everything was perfect.

We became overwhelmingly close, and at first it was no problem. We found that we enjoyed each other's company more than anyone else's. After laughing like friends we were able to kiss and touch and kill two birds with one stone, and it was the best of both worlds. His physique started to change. His nose did not appear to be so large, it was not large at all. His face was not round, it was very handsome and defined. He was 6 foot 2 and I loved the way I looked up at him. His hair changed for the better, and he became very attractive.

We did absolutely everything together, but I found after enough time went by he began to make mistakes. This was something I wasn't familiar with, but I knew enough to doubt him. And from there it never got better, and I didn't know what to do when a man stood in front of me and continued to tell me he loved me, and apologized but committed the same mistake over and over again.

The relationship I had before this ended abruptly. There was no explanation. It started with a call, we ended and never spoke again. 1 year turned to absolutely nothing after a minute and thirty second phone call. This made me fragile, and in addition to the mistakes I realized I was more self conscious than I had thought.

So things got worse, I realized he was clearly interested in other girl's besides me even though he denied it several times. It went from never forgetting to say goodnight, to ending the night in arguments and this was another something I noticed that had changed. So here were are now, after three years and I am not sure what to do. After applying to the same colleges and creating a future that I thought I knew would involve both of us, I am sitting her on my bed writing this chapter, and he is sitting on the floor resting his eyes. He told me he had come over to talk, and so far I have done the talking. He wonder's what I am writing about, but this will be one, very innocent secret.