things

things happen.

 

i have my great-grandmother's gloves. i called her Mema.

and thats one of the only things i remember about her.

 

i remember that her hands were cold the last time i saw her. she was down here with my aunts and my grandmother for somebody's funeral. i don't remember whose funeral, though. but i remember that her hands were ice cold. freezing. and i remember she wanted to go somewhere, but her daughters didn't want her to because her hands were so cold. and i remember telling them that she because she was a grownup, she could go wherever she wanted. there are no more memories for a long time then except for the one of my mom getting a phone call and coming into the room and telling me that Mema had died and i cried with her because she was so sad. i cant remember the last time i cried for somebody else like that. but after that memory there are no more.

 

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i remember that my uncles, james and pat, came to tennessee for a long time. i cant remember if they stayed with us or not. i cant remember if that was before or after Mema died. i have no idea. but i remember the both of them standing in our kitchen a long long time ago. it seems as though it was another life because i had no idea who these people were or why they were there. but i did know that i loved them. i miss that. the simplicity of life and of love. i miss it a lot.

 

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i remember going to visit Mema's grave with my grandmother a few years ago. when we were leaving she told me in the car that there were lots of things she wished she had asked her mom and that if i had any questions about anyone or anything i should ask them now. i should have followed her advice. but how could i? i didnt even know what it was i needed to learn.

 

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i still want to go outside and catch a pretty butterfly in a net and then let it go.

 

 

im so afraid of forgetting these things. i dont want to let them go.

Author's Note

Again, ignore the grammatical errors!:)