The Tear

I can be about whatever you need it to be about. Anything in your life you feel the need to hide your grief about. It's to all who've ever felt alone or that no one cares about them.

Unsure of what to say
Let alone what to do

Simply standing there
Mouth open
Eyes brimming
Threatening to betray
What she feels
Inside.

Head turned to the side
She loses control

Breaking down
A single
Salty
Tear
Falling
To
The ground.

The safe she locked her heart in

Broken.

Open.

Author's Note

Tell me whatcha think, feel, observe. Please be respectful. If you have criticism, I'd love to hear it. But -helpful- criticism, like... what I can do better. Not just "you suck". Because that -really- doesn't help. ;-) Thank you!

Reviews

[Sasha]

Not much to criticize here. It's really brief and straight-forward while effectively telling the story of a young girl that is hurt and not sure how to handle that pain. I liked the bit of rhyme toward the end and the way you set up the part about her tear falling. You did a good job on this.

[J.M]

No criticisms... the structure emphasised the cracking facade that was the girl's happiness. There was also some really nice imagery in here, especially with the safe. I like this a lot.

[Zoe Jay]

Interesting and vivid capturing of a moment. Delicate use of detail to create tension and release. Understated yet very powerful. Excellent use of punctuation and structure to also enhance that build up and release. Brusque ending leaves us feeling desolated and in complete empathy with the subject, very hard to achieve that in such a short and sparse poem. Very well done, understated, pared to the minimum, as the most effective writing tends to be. Underdone and well chosen language usage. Sophisticated writing in a short space.

[cfix]

This is amazing. I really enjoyed this piece, it's straight to the point. Very well written.

[Mauricio Montoya]

I like the format also the emotion that this piece brings forth. It’s straight forward and to the point. Great job.

[.]

. to me ... this is perfect ... i've been to this place ... and this is vivid and poignant ... much like how it feels when one is in this place ... brilliantly written and expressed ... very moving ...

[Linear]

A cascade of emotion erupts, there is no stopping it, no control, just one well meant word and tears flood, you dont even feel foolish as crowds of people stare, you simply dont care.

Thats how it felt for me, No you dont Suck at poetry

[Wondering Mind]

that moment when a single tear finds its freedom is whole story, and this write needs nothing more than what it has

[the in between]

WOW
another favorite to add. this is relatable and i have nothing to critique its perfect :)

[Hidden_identity]

I kind of had the feeling, when I was reading this, that a tear was dripping off the poem. The poem is so true. Very beautiful.

[PasDeChat]

I like the fragments style.. IHMO it get across the feelings on the verge of losing it.. 2 or 3 syllables breaking down to one.. by one.. as the attempt to keep control is lost.. and the tear shed... IHMO