My Letter To You

To my beloved Faerie,

                I'm sorry for so many things; I have trouble figuring out where to start. I'm sorry for holding on to my pain and my anger and waiting for an apology, instead of trusting that you knew what was best for yourself. I'm sorry for letting the past damage the future. I was so caught up in being angry at you for ruining something beautiful that I failed to see that I was ruining it myself. I'm sorry for every little remark, every half-joke laced with the bitterness I refused to let go of. I’m sorry it took this long to see things from your point of view. I didn’t make it in time, and I’ll probably always regret that. I'm sorry for ever making you feel unimportant or undervalued. I can be careless with my words and with my demeanor; it's one of my worst downfalls. I assure you, not a day went by I didn't thank God for you. I'm sorry for making you feel chained down and controlled. You were always free, from the beginning, and I was terrified that if you were aware of your freedom, you wouldn't bother with me anymore. But most of all, my darling, I'm sorry for ever doing or saying anything to make you feel unloved. I've never loved anyone the way that I loved you, and I have a hard time imagining that I ever will. If I gave off the impression, at any time, that I had anything less but the most powerful, extraordinary love for you, then I was just being stupid, immature, thoughtless, and quite plainly, a jackass. You didn't deserve that. You are wonderful, and I though I've said such things before, I did not show you as I should have. You deserve nothing less than the world. I'm sorry I didn't give it to you. 

 

                I have never in my life ever wanted to hurt you. I have anyway, and with all of my soul, I am so sorry. The reality of the situation is that I was so, ridiculously blessed to have ever been able to love you at all, and even more so to have been loved by you in return. You've given me some of the best memories of my life so far. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I will never forget the nights we shared under Christmas lights in your old bedroom, snowball fights in your front yard, or the way your lips felt on mine after you said "I love you" and meant it for the first time. I will never forget, for as long as I live. Please do not forget me, either, or let the memory of what we were be clouded by the nonsense it turned into. Above all else, I hope that you are happy, at peace, and filled with love.  You are, and always have been, my only sunshine.

 

Always,

                 Julia