Tired observations

A Story by Padfoot630

I don't think I ever told you my favourite thing about you. Frankly speaking, it's unlikely I'll ever be able to, but looking at the way everything stands, I hardly think that's relevant. So here goes.

There is a lock, that you carry around with yourself. I'm not sure if, it's out of necessity, or you've just had it for so long that you don't know who you'd be with out it.

I remember the times you took it off.

I'm not sure what made you do it. I am no longer naïve enough to believe that I am responsible for such occurrences. The wisdom that I have gained over the years has shown me that exhaustion and isolation can drive you do the damnnest things. But I consider myself privileged, to have witnessed it. The carefree stumble of words from your mouth as you tell me about the many ups and downs of your day. Laughter, that spilled freely, because after all these years, if you can't laugh at yourself, what really is the point. Moments from your life that you quietly shared, and I just as quietly watched as your story took shape. And I swear, I caught a glimpse of that man that you once told me had died ages ago. The one who's smile lit up his eyes and who's shoulders were still unburdened. The man you once were.

I will not lie, there are days when I am drowning in my own exhaustion, desperate for whatever molecule of dopamine is thrown my way, that my mind will, very explicably, wander towards you. I wonder if you would let me help you find that man you claim to have lost. I wonder if you would let me remind you that, you too, are deserving of kindness. I wonder if our bruised and battered souls would find, at least solace, in each other's company. Some times I wonder, if the word sweetheart, ever escaped your lips, would my self control shatter as violently as I think it would.

But, phones ring, skills are summoned, and pleasant wanders are rudely interrupted for more scheduled programming, and I am yanked back to our unyielding reality. So for now, as I add this to my ever growing list of 'Things I will not tell people' I shall be content with what this reality has given me, with shy hellos and warm smiles across the corridor, with making you laugh during midnight food runs with our friends, and with the hope that, someday, someone will show you, what I could not.