Chapter Four

To say that the definition of our relationship is unclear would probably be the understatement of the year. Stuck somewhere between the comfort of friendship and the cravings of love, we tread carefully around each other. Why, I'm not exactly sure. Maybe we're both secretly afraid that our actions will push the other towards a destination that we wont be satisfied with. Or maybe we're both somehow content with the odd little niche we've managed to create for ourselves in this society that demands clear cut definitions. To be honest though, sometimes a little defining might be necessary here and there. Maybe it might explain why not being able to see you creates a weird sort of restless anguish in my mind. Maybe it can explain why I feel so much satisfaction when I hear your voice shape out the syllables of my name. Some would say that this is love. Actually, quite a few might say that this is love. But I know better. For my heart does not belong to anyone, much less you. And yours, you didn't even have yours to begin with.

That doesn't mean I don't care for you. You mean so much to me that I've already decided that I refuse to let you out of my life, even though I've barely known you for a year. Despite your tendencies to unintentionally frustrate me, there are so many things about you that I admire, and I hope that some day I will be able to tell you exactly how important you are to me.

But none of this answers the question that we started with. Well, somewhere between the dizzying feel of your lips against mine, and the sound of your stony silences that would jar my very bones, I realized that, I probably will never be able to give this, us, a name. And maybe for now, that's okay. You've given me a lot, in this past year. You've given me friendship and trust, frustration and anguish, a whole new twist on fun, and even a little bit of your unique brand of love. I think what im trying to say is, thank you. Thank you for all the experiences you've given me, and hopefully this year, I can give you something in return as well.

Happy new year you.